Week 2

Attention other people who populate the campus! Stop sucking so hard. As many of you have noticed, you are all douches of the highest order. I have seen you around, being terrible, and stupid, and ignorant. You are shit heads and you need to get over yourselves.

Let me break down some shit for all of you on campus, especially the ones who happen to be in my classes:

1. No one cares what you think. Even if the professor asks, no one really cares about your opinion. Keep these stupid, stupid things to yourself. If and only if you must speak because the classroom situation requires you to open your mouth; pause, think back and remember (if you did the assigned reading) what the text said; pause some more, think about what you derived from the text (again, only if you bothered to open your ridiculously expensive book); pause once again, formulate a coherent thought and then state your understanding of the matter that was covered in the text.

*Note: If a no answer was given to any if situation above, shut the goddamn fuck up.

2. When you are out, keep in mind that 10 minutes before class starts, you are not the only one going somewhere, and that some of us, have places to be and don't like being late. I know, lots of you are out there, fucking around, talking to some bitches, getting in my way. Please, remember that your pathetic existence is not going to get any better by going to college, so please, stay home and stay the fuck out of my way.

3. Males aged 18 to 22: you suck. Look, I know. I was one very recently and I know that I sucked. You too, also suck. I hate you and wish you the absolute worst. And no, your stupid attire, or sunglasses, or hats, or skateboards, or your loud talking about some guy who, "smoked like, two ounces", or your stupid ass dread locks, or what ever it is that you cling to for an identity don't make you cool.

4. Also, males in general: get your fat fucking asses to the goddamn gym. Do a fucking push-up, ride a bike, don't get the super-caloric, milk shake type drink from Starbucks every class break, try not to eat fast food all the goddamn time, something. Stop being so goddamn weak and maybe all the hot, young women around campus might actually want to fuck you. I don't know, it's a start anyway. Also, try a shower, or shaving, or some shit. When a skinny motherfucker like me with my long-ass hair is the most fit, clean-cut guy in the room there is a problem with the rest of the men there.

5. Women: stop wearing pajama pants to school. You are not cool. Probably no one even likes you. You are not a free-spirit or what the fuck ever. You suck. Go put on some real fucking pants.

6. All of you motherfuckers need to wear shoes and socks, at all times.

7. Just stop being douches so much, okay.