Total Ownage.
This past week that Felicia has been gone has been a fun experiment. It's the kind of alone-ness that you need to let you know what the fuck is going on and who you are.
Turns out, I am not anyone. I was kind of fucked up the other day about how I really have no roots, I know shit about my family, I have no real connections to anything from the past and I have an indeterminate future. I was a little disheartened about the whole shit until today I was thinking about it and decided that it didn't matter who I was or even who I am. I am an actor, plain and simple. I am whatever my current situation dictates, student, father, husband, whatever. It doesn't matter. I don't have any free will anyway so why masquerade as if I do and then have all the dissonance when I think about the "choices" I've "made". Fuck it dude, let's go bowling.
There's a kind of liberation in the nothing-ness, and not just the kind induced by substances. I don't have to worry. I don't have to care. I don't have to pretend. Outside of what is legal and what isn't, I don't have to restrain my life. There is no objective metric with which to measure me. (I realize laws may seem objective but seeing as how they are created by us it kind of nullifies any credence to that.) I am whatever I feel like parading around as that day. What a joke.
I don't care. I'll never see any of these people again so the best course of action is the one that I feel has the most merit at that time.
Random section here:
Gin is good.
Have they always made 19 year old chicks so hot? I don't remember that shit.
I reheated some pizza tonight. GODDAMN GOOD.
I've been reading a lot. Hopefully, I'll post on that soon.
Whatever.
Turns out, I am not anyone. I was kind of fucked up the other day about how I really have no roots, I know shit about my family, I have no real connections to anything from the past and I have an indeterminate future. I was a little disheartened about the whole shit until today I was thinking about it and decided that it didn't matter who I was or even who I am. I am an actor, plain and simple. I am whatever my current situation dictates, student, father, husband, whatever. It doesn't matter. I don't have any free will anyway so why masquerade as if I do and then have all the dissonance when I think about the "choices" I've "made". Fuck it dude, let's go bowling.
There's a kind of liberation in the nothing-ness, and not just the kind induced by substances. I don't have to worry. I don't have to care. I don't have to pretend. Outside of what is legal and what isn't, I don't have to restrain my life. There is no objective metric with which to measure me. (I realize laws may seem objective but seeing as how they are created by us it kind of nullifies any credence to that.) I am whatever I feel like parading around as that day. What a joke.
I don't care. I'll never see any of these people again so the best course of action is the one that I feel has the most merit at that time.
Random section here:
Gin is good.
Have they always made 19 year old chicks so hot? I don't remember that shit.
I reheated some pizza tonight. GODDAMN GOOD.
I've been reading a lot. Hopefully, I'll post on that soon.
Whatever.
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