11 February 2011

Expert Analysis of What the Egypt Revolution Means for White, Middle-Class, and Terrified Suburbanites


Like this.


Not like this.

Yes, friends, gather 'round your tube transmitting devices and let me tell you what the whole Egypt Situation means for you (in convenient list form because you are so busy rushing onward to your middle forties' existential crisis).

1. Gasoline prices will jump to $10 a gallon at least.

2. True Americans everywhere, emboldened by the success of Egypt's (mostly) peaceful protesters, will flock to the streets with their insanely powerful firearms collection and begin the hoped for Tea Bag Uprising that will bring down Barack Hussein Obama's fraudulent government, along with all his mega-liberal financiers.

3. Fearful of the Tea Bag wave, Mr. Obama will enact martial law, but the God fearing military will refuse to fire upon the civilian militias, and, instead, join them on their triumphant march to Washington to take back their country and tax dollars. Mr. Obama will then flee to his country of origin.

4. Once in power the new government, headed by a triumvirate of Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, and Rush Limbaugh will usher in the new wave of U.S. economic success and world domination, all driven by a strict adherence to Libertarian and Ayn Rand inspired theories of governance.

Give me an AM radio station, and a paycheck. I'll say whatever.

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