Hey, I changed some shit around here. I finally linked to a few of the blogs I read daily. I removed a few things and added a few things.
Suck It!
30 November 2008
29 November 2008
Like A Dead Man
Making it look easy.
Not so much.
Summer fun!
Giving Thanks.
Moi plus le vin font le sourire.
Sometimes, it makes you want to have some of your own.
No sweet potato casserole or pie this Thanksgiving. Total Failure.
I re-read The Stranger this weekend. It is still as good and relevant as it was when I first read it 10 years ago, so that made me pretty depressed/happy. In fact, the novel had such an effect on me (like it always does) that today as I was out, I felt a more fundamental connection with Meursault than I did with any of the other automatons out doing the rounds.I was in a cafe and drinking my coffee and watching the snow and trying to figure out things and failing miserably.
Sometimes, I like to listen to Tori Amos, but I don't know what the fuck she is talking about.
Felicia and I went to "Game-Night" last night at her friend's, Hailee's, house. It was fun but we are old. Boardgames and cocktails while our kids ran around and raised hell until midnight. Pure Sub-urban Americana. To spice it up a little, there was an earthquake. Good times.
You don't know anything, much less your rationalizing self, so stop trying.
Sometimes, I think that it matters, but who knows. Maybe that's why the cosmos aren't swimming with (overt signs of) intelligent life. Maybe we're all consumed by our own pathetic navel-gazing to be bothered with anything else. Shit, I know that's the case with regards to myself.
I re-read The Stranger this weekend. It is still as good and relevant as it was when I first read it 10 years ago, so that made me pretty depressed/happy. In fact, the novel had such an effect on me (like it always does) that today as I was out, I felt a more fundamental connection with Meursault than I did with any of the other automatons out doing the rounds.I was in a cafe and drinking my coffee and watching the snow and trying to figure out things and failing miserably.
Sometimes, I like to listen to Tori Amos, but I don't know what the fuck she is talking about.
Felicia and I went to "Game-Night" last night at her friend's, Hailee's, house. It was fun but we are old. Boardgames and cocktails while our kids ran around and raised hell until midnight. Pure Sub-urban Americana. To spice it up a little, there was an earthquake. Good times.
You don't know anything, much less your rationalizing self, so stop trying.
Sometimes, I think that it matters, but who knows. Maybe that's why the cosmos aren't swimming with (overt signs of) intelligent life. Maybe we're all consumed by our own pathetic navel-gazing to be bothered with anything else. Shit, I know that's the case with regards to myself.
21 November 2008
Totally Fucking Contrived
Total Ownage.
This past week that Felicia has been gone has been a fun experiment. It's the kind of alone-ness that you need to let you know what the fuck is going on and who you are.
Turns out, I am not anyone. I was kind of fucked up the other day about how I really have no roots, I know shit about my family, I have no real connections to anything from the past and I have an indeterminate future. I was a little disheartened about the whole shit until today I was thinking about it and decided that it didn't matter who I was or even who I am. I am an actor, plain and simple. I am whatever my current situation dictates, student, father, husband, whatever. It doesn't matter. I don't have any free will anyway so why masquerade as if I do and then have all the dissonance when I think about the "choices" I've "made". Fuck it dude, let's go bowling.
There's a kind of liberation in the nothing-ness, and not just the kind induced by substances. I don't have to worry. I don't have to care. I don't have to pretend. Outside of what is legal and what isn't, I don't have to restrain my life. There is no objective metric with which to measure me. (I realize laws may seem objective but seeing as how they are created by us it kind of nullifies any credence to that.) I am whatever I feel like parading around as that day. What a joke.
I don't care. I'll never see any of these people again so the best course of action is the one that I feel has the most merit at that time.
Random section here:
Gin is good.
Have they always made 19 year old chicks so hot? I don't remember that shit.
I reheated some pizza tonight. GODDAMN GOOD.
I've been reading a lot. Hopefully, I'll post on that soon.
Whatever.
Turns out, I am not anyone. I was kind of fucked up the other day about how I really have no roots, I know shit about my family, I have no real connections to anything from the past and I have an indeterminate future. I was a little disheartened about the whole shit until today I was thinking about it and decided that it didn't matter who I was or even who I am. I am an actor, plain and simple. I am whatever my current situation dictates, student, father, husband, whatever. It doesn't matter. I don't have any free will anyway so why masquerade as if I do and then have all the dissonance when I think about the "choices" I've "made". Fuck it dude, let's go bowling.
There's a kind of liberation in the nothing-ness, and not just the kind induced by substances. I don't have to worry. I don't have to care. I don't have to pretend. Outside of what is legal and what isn't, I don't have to restrain my life. There is no objective metric with which to measure me. (I realize laws may seem objective but seeing as how they are created by us it kind of nullifies any credence to that.) I am whatever I feel like parading around as that day. What a joke.
I don't care. I'll never see any of these people again so the best course of action is the one that I feel has the most merit at that time.
Random section here:
Gin is good.
Have they always made 19 year old chicks so hot? I don't remember that shit.
I reheated some pizza tonight. GODDAMN GOOD.
I've been reading a lot. Hopefully, I'll post on that soon.
Whatever.
16 November 2008
To Make You All Believe
The caption for this could be: "I totally hate everyone."
Hey, there are a lot of things that I don't understand and never will. This makes me pretty fucking depressed. I mean, how can I be a totally fully formed human being and do not understand the fundamental nature of the universe in which I live? Oh, right, I can get totally washed every chance I get.
Felicia is leaving on some kind of goddamn work thing for a fucking week. FUCK. SHIT. GODDAMN. I can't even say that if she dies in some freak plane accident that I'll kill myself, because you know, I have those goddamn kids. Not to mention all the work I am going to have to do in her absence.
Life is terrible and random. I just don't want you to forget that no matter what, I totally fucking hate you assholes.
Felicia is leaving on some kind of goddamn work thing for a fucking week. FUCK. SHIT. GODDAMN. I can't even say that if she dies in some freak plane accident that I'll kill myself, because you know, I have those goddamn kids. Not to mention all the work I am going to have to do in her absence.
Life is terrible and random. I just don't want you to forget that no matter what, I totally fucking hate you assholes.
07 November 2008
Shut Up You Don't Know Me
Rho, Phi, and Theta. Word.
I really have nothing else. School is going well. I mean, aside from all the misanthropic hatred for all the motherfucking losers who are all over the place.
Let me break down the stupid that I have heard/seen around campus lately and how I have thought/felt regarding these things:
"Sarah Palin is just like us." Said as I'm working on my Math 202 homework. Yeah, because Sarah Palin knows how to evaluate a single integral, much less multiple integrals in spherical coordinates.
Fucking retards playing hackysack in the student union. Goddammit. Are you fucking dicktards in high school or some shit? I mean, I did this shit when I was 15, in a public school, in Mississippi, and you motherfuckers think that you are going to get a degree in something by spending all your free time smoking weed, playing hack, and getting in my fucking way? To quote H. Rollins, "Get off the drugs and get back to the real world." Fucking Ass Fucks.
(This is a paraphrase from some guy who is a self-labeled genius): The U.S. is moving towards a Nazist, Marxist society, and sustainability is the way that this is happening. Me: My God, it's full of stars and completely uninformed, ignorant, shitfucks who ARE ACTUALLY ALLOWED TO VOTE. Also, the genius guy said that McCain wanted to abolish the Supreme Court and that Obama wanted to be a dictator. I present the last two items without comment.
I think I have more but I can't remember them. What I wanted to say was that, hey, it's almost Thanksgiving, and that I really love this holiday because it's like the only one that hasn't been co-opted by greeting card companies and merchandising fuckholes. I love Thanksgiving because I love reminding people that they should be happy for what is not wrong with their life, as opposed to what would could be better. Fucking Puritans and shit.
Let me break down the stupid that I have heard/seen around campus lately and how I have thought/felt regarding these things:
"Sarah Palin is just like us." Said as I'm working on my Math 202 homework. Yeah, because Sarah Palin knows how to evaluate a single integral, much less multiple integrals in spherical coordinates.
Fucking retards playing hackysack in the student union. Goddammit. Are you fucking dicktards in high school or some shit? I mean, I did this shit when I was 15, in a public school, in Mississippi, and you motherfuckers think that you are going to get a degree in something by spending all your free time smoking weed, playing hack, and getting in my fucking way? To quote H. Rollins, "Get off the drugs and get back to the real world." Fucking Ass Fucks.
(This is a paraphrase from some guy who is a self-labeled genius): The U.S. is moving towards a Nazist, Marxist society, and sustainability is the way that this is happening. Me: My God, it's full of stars and completely uninformed, ignorant, shitfucks who ARE ACTUALLY ALLOWED TO VOTE. Also, the genius guy said that McCain wanted to abolish the Supreme Court and that Obama wanted to be a dictator. I present the last two items without comment.
I think I have more but I can't remember them. What I wanted to say was that, hey, it's almost Thanksgiving, and that I really love this holiday because it's like the only one that hasn't been co-opted by greeting card companies and merchandising fuckholes. I love Thanksgiving because I love reminding people that they should be happy for what is not wrong with their life, as opposed to what would could be better. Fucking Puritans and shit.
05 November 2008
01 November 2008
Shoot, Shoot, Shoot, Motherfucker!
I've been thinking a lot about my parents lately. They both died this time of year and even now, five and six years on, it gets me thinking about them.
I'd love to say that they were great, un-imaginable heroes, who always did the proper thing, and always knew the right course, and were two people who were totally infallible.
They were not.
I loved them, still love them, with a crazed vehemence. Love, however, has nothing to do with the fact that they were human, that they did fuck up, that they (especially my mother) were horrifically wrong about loads of things that they'd never understand, and that their worldview was one of the simple, trivial people who trust in god.
I've always kind of thought that god was a joke. If he existed at all, he either wasn't minding the laboratory, or he's a totally sadistic motherfucker. In either case, I'll choose to believe in a universe that doesn't care one way or the other as to whether I survive and not pin my hopes to a god who is diagnosable as ADHD or Antisocial Personality Disorder.
Look, I hate my life. I will probably kill myself. I just want my goddamn kids to be critical thinkers, and, at the very most, be a little bit happy with their lives.
I'd love to say that they were great, un-imaginable heroes, who always did the proper thing, and always knew the right course, and were two people who were totally infallible.
They were not.
I loved them, still love them, with a crazed vehemence. Love, however, has nothing to do with the fact that they were human, that they did fuck up, that they (especially my mother) were horrifically wrong about loads of things that they'd never understand, and that their worldview was one of the simple, trivial people who trust in god.
I've always kind of thought that god was a joke. If he existed at all, he either wasn't minding the laboratory, or he's a totally sadistic motherfucker. In either case, I'll choose to believe in a universe that doesn't care one way or the other as to whether I survive and not pin my hopes to a god who is diagnosable as ADHD or Antisocial Personality Disorder.
Look, I hate my life. I will probably kill myself. I just want my goddamn kids to be critical thinkers, and, at the very most, be a little bit happy with their lives.
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