I didn't have a Halloween experience as a child. The foolish costumes and asshattery of others was completely out of the question. Mom always said that celebrating the devil or any of his works would lead down a slippery slope that ended in sodomy and full on Satanism. He did have a bible, by the way, and so we were all locked in an epic struggle over my soul.
Pretty crazy, I know.
I need to go back and read those scriptures for all the hidden, insane gems that they hold.
31 October 2010
29 October 2010
I Know My Truth
I'm just gonna rattle off a bunch of shit here so feel free to just skip this shit.
1. I was reading Jon Franzen's book of essays and it is an exercise in terrible, hand-wringing, white-guy, emo-shit, so much so that I want to punch him in the goddamn dick. I would pay, and I mean far out the ass, to watch him battle to the death against other authors for my amusement. I don't think I can adequately express the rage that creeps up behind my face when I read his petulant shit. "America is childish" "Being Middle Class is hard" "No one takes me seriously, but I am a serious thinker" "Oprah liked my book but I'm too edgy for Oprah so I complained about it" "Novelist are the only true mirror for society and all other mediums for reflection are cheap, trite, and disingenuous"
ATTENTION FRANZEN: YOU ARE A RICH-ISH WHITE GUY WHO MAKES A LIVING BY WRITING DOWN WHAT YOU THINK IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING IN THE WORLD. YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT.
2. I am so mad about number one.
3. The bird and the bee still rule.
4. I can't decide what the best Bjork album of all-time is. My top three are Homogenic, Vespertine, and Debut. It is driving me to drink more than usual.
5. I was reading the Tom Robbins book, Another Roadside Attraction, and I had to stop because I hate hippies so goddamn much. Also,
ATTENTION ROBBINS: YOU ARE NOT FUNNY. STOP TRYING TO BE FUNNY. IT COMES ACROSS AS GRATING AND INSULTING TO THE READER AND NO ONE THINKS, DESPITE WHAT THE L. A. TIMES SAYS, THAT YOU ARE REMINISCENT OF MARK TWAIN.
6. I need some new music and I often wonder what happened to people I used to know and think often of their influences on me. Also, am I the only one who feels buoyed when I see old people after I haven't seen them for a while and I think, "Hey, they haven't died yet. Good for them."
7. You know, I have a lot of, now stowed and itemized, baggage from my first marriage but I'll give my first wife this: she introduced me to Marvin Gaye and so she gets a plus one for that.
8. I used to listen to Pearl Jam when I was a foolish teen and think that they were good. I wish I could go back in time and punch teen-me in the stomach and tell him to stop being such a douche all the time.
9. One time, I was at this bar in Texas, and I mean it was the epitome of shit hole and there was chili and tortilla chips and cheese in these crockpots and if you were there you could eat it for free. We had showed up at this place, the name was Wolf something, as an afterthought before we crawled back to base and the emptiness of our beds. I found the crockpots and started eating all the chili and then I went to the bar and had a tequila sunrise because I was with a friend who really felt the Eagles and I drank down the terrible juicy tequila. I remember running to the fetid bathroom but not making it and I threw up a little on the carpet in front of the bar before hitting the bathroom and filling an urinal with chunky chili. We left and I passed out alone under my sheets.
10. You know who doesn't get enough recognition? Duran Fucking Duran. Those motherfuckers have spoken the truthiest of truths for a long time now and no one holds them up as the beacons of prophesy or self-reflection, but those motherfuckers should. Pop Trash totally encapsulated the feel of the 2000s but you don't hear a goddamn single critic tell you that shit. Also, Ordinary World is the best and most true song that an adolescent can ever hear.
11. I like making lists.
12. You know what else is fun? If you just sit and listen to people, they will run out the yarn of their entire goddamn lives without reservation and then you can know all that more about them and their actions and beliefs and all their internal shit that they don't show to any of the superficial people they see on a daily basis. Freud was kind of right with his ideas of therapy because people will talk out their closest demons to an un-speaking ear.
13. Bakers Dozen: The Cardigans are the best thing to come out of Scandinavia since Vikings and mead.
There it is.
1. I was reading Jon Franzen's book of essays and it is an exercise in terrible, hand-wringing, white-guy, emo-shit, so much so that I want to punch him in the goddamn dick. I would pay, and I mean far out the ass, to watch him battle to the death against other authors for my amusement. I don't think I can adequately express the rage that creeps up behind my face when I read his petulant shit. "America is childish" "Being Middle Class is hard" "No one takes me seriously, but I am a serious thinker" "Oprah liked my book but I'm too edgy for Oprah so I complained about it" "Novelist are the only true mirror for society and all other mediums for reflection are cheap, trite, and disingenuous"
ATTENTION FRANZEN: YOU ARE A RICH-ISH WHITE GUY WHO MAKES A LIVING BY WRITING DOWN WHAT YOU THINK IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING IN THE WORLD. YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT.
2. I am so mad about number one.
3. The bird and the bee still rule.
4. I can't decide what the best Bjork album of all-time is. My top three are Homogenic, Vespertine, and Debut. It is driving me to drink more than usual.
5. I was reading the Tom Robbins book, Another Roadside Attraction, and I had to stop because I hate hippies so goddamn much. Also,
ATTENTION ROBBINS: YOU ARE NOT FUNNY. STOP TRYING TO BE FUNNY. IT COMES ACROSS AS GRATING AND INSULTING TO THE READER AND NO ONE THINKS, DESPITE WHAT THE L. A. TIMES SAYS, THAT YOU ARE REMINISCENT OF MARK TWAIN.
6. I need some new music and I often wonder what happened to people I used to know and think often of their influences on me. Also, am I the only one who feels buoyed when I see old people after I haven't seen them for a while and I think, "Hey, they haven't died yet. Good for them."
7. You know, I have a lot of, now stowed and itemized, baggage from my first marriage but I'll give my first wife this: she introduced me to Marvin Gaye and so she gets a plus one for that.
8. I used to listen to Pearl Jam when I was a foolish teen and think that they were good. I wish I could go back in time and punch teen-me in the stomach and tell him to stop being such a douche all the time.
9. One time, I was at this bar in Texas, and I mean it was the epitome of shit hole and there was chili and tortilla chips and cheese in these crockpots and if you were there you could eat it for free. We had showed up at this place, the name was Wolf something, as an afterthought before we crawled back to base and the emptiness of our beds. I found the crockpots and started eating all the chili and then I went to the bar and had a tequila sunrise because I was with a friend who really felt the Eagles and I drank down the terrible juicy tequila. I remember running to the fetid bathroom but not making it and I threw up a little on the carpet in front of the bar before hitting the bathroom and filling an urinal with chunky chili. We left and I passed out alone under my sheets.
10. You know who doesn't get enough recognition? Duran Fucking Duran. Those motherfuckers have spoken the truthiest of truths for a long time now and no one holds them up as the beacons of prophesy or self-reflection, but those motherfuckers should. Pop Trash totally encapsulated the feel of the 2000s but you don't hear a goddamn single critic tell you that shit. Also, Ordinary World is the best and most true song that an adolescent can ever hear.
11. I like making lists.
12. You know what else is fun? If you just sit and listen to people, they will run out the yarn of their entire goddamn lives without reservation and then you can know all that more about them and their actions and beliefs and all their internal shit that they don't show to any of the superficial people they see on a daily basis. Freud was kind of right with his ideas of therapy because people will talk out their closest demons to an un-speaking ear.
13. Bakers Dozen: The Cardigans are the best thing to come out of Scandinavia since Vikings and mead.
There it is.
17 October 2010
Kids' Stuff
Here are some crafts that the children did.
You know what? I really hate football commentary. In fact, I hate all commentary. Like today, I was at the gym and there was running commentary from two douches on the television during some poker match. Are you fucking serious, cable television? It made me very angry.
11 October 2010
I NEED VALIDATION
Here are some things I did today. They are mostly pretty terrible, but maybe some of you out there like them.
10 October 2010
10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10
Shmoops.
Some douche in a hat.
Birthday party fun
Book club
Hiking at Hatcher's Pass.
I wish I could say things have been busy. I've been doing some things and some stuff and trying to ignore how terrible the political situation is in Alaska. This fucking stooge, Joe Miller, is genuinely awful, like really, really, bad. The ADN has been keeping a pretty good tab on all his bullshittery. I mean, Ted Stevens was a total power hungry jackass but at least he wasn't fucking crazy. No matter what else, Stevens at least knew how to get that money that the state is pretty much totally dependent upon. Then you have this fucking tool, Miller, who's saying all those funds are unconstitutional or some dumb shit and people are lapping it up because they are too stupid to grasp basic civics. Seriously, for a place whose people are as insular, clannish, and terrified of outsiders as Alaskans are, they sure are loving this dumbass from Kansas and his stupid beard.
Who takes people who elect to wear beards seriously? No one, that's who.
Who takes people who elect to wear beards seriously? No one, that's who.
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