New Year's Delusions

Happy New Year!

Here's to lying to yourself for another 365 days! Don't worry about me though, I'm just bitter because you're happy. Ha Ha!

Seriously, though can't we just put President Obama in charge already so I can stop seeing news shows about "What is President-elect Obama's response to Israel, Blagojevich, the economy, etc." Since when did rampant speculation become worthy of being put on the news 24 hours a day? Don't answer that.

Also, don't channel surf after midnight while sober. It turns you into a gremlin or some shit.

Yeah, whatever.

Also, in Other News

People magazine reports another hilariously terrible event from Alaska.

Pure, unfiltered class.

The Reason for the Season is Pleasin'!!!

You think this shit is all fun and games and then you have one of these.

A white Christmas and all that.

The haul

Well hung, heh.

O, Tannenbaum.

I can has presents?

Sometimes, they're not all bad.

Sometimes, we aren't either.

Happy Holidays. I hope no one is fiending during the glorious season and that all their shit is straight.

I am so ready for the semester to start again. This sitting around all the time is totally killing me. Idle hands spend time at the genitals, and we all know how the Lord hates that. Dude, how many straight up quotes are going into this?

Peace, my shnizzies.

News Flash!

Dick Cheney is still a soul-less asshole.

That's pretty much it.

No Real Title

The fool hath said in his heart.

Something about honoring something or another.

About the meek inheriting something.

My mother and father taught me a lot of things. I love them, even though they are dead. The above is a few of the bible verses that always stuck with me when they yelled at me.

You may think that you are through with the past but the past is not through with us.

EVOO

The limit of my caring as my age approaches infinity is zero.

No one cares about Caylee. No one cares about the bailout. No one cares about the genocide. No one cares about anything. Nothing matters. People are born and die and suffer and all of this doesn't matter. I certainly don't.

It's terrible. I am a terrible person.

I don't care.

This is what is wrong with us as a species.

Yule-i-tude

Iced out, not in a G-way.

Kiernan, the child who never smiles.

Gavin, showing fools how unwrapping is done.

We had Christmas five days early because otherwise, the shit wouldn't get done. The kids got loads of shit and I bought Felicia a camera that she didn't like and I got a new PS2 controller. I'm getting old, son. Anyway, see you later, it's lunchtime.

I Get BORED!!!

Hells yes.

So yeah, I have to say that this shit is pretty funny. I don't really care about drug offenses, I just don't care. I do think it is funny that the future mother in law of my governor's knocked up teen is going to the clink for a while. Yes, quite funny.

Also, there is this. I will confess that I don't know shit about this case because I haven't been following it, but I will say that I applaud this guy for pleading guilty instead of being like the other fuck heads I posted about who used defenses like, "I'm a drunk." or "I'm a fucking loser." Thinking about it again, fuck those guys. I hope they are enjoying prison, the fucking dicks.

That's about it. Oh yeah, this is my 100th post. Yay, me!

Suck it dry!

Bullshit

Thanks a lot, you fucking assholes.

I'm sure that I, like many of you, thought that the economic crisis was not really real until it directly impacted your life. I really couldn't care less what the DJIA does, or about the unemployment rate, or any of those economic markers that say that our financial system is fucked up. I just don't care. I have other shit to think about and chores to do and that kind of day to day shit.

But now, now these motherfuckers have fucked with something that I think is important so, being a blogger, I hurried to the internet to voice my disapproval of concepts and situations I barely understand. The ADN has this story that says the glass recycling program here in Anchorage is suspended starting in January due to the economy sucking ass and the high cost of recycling glass coupled with lower demand for recyclables. How does this impact my life you ask?

Let's have a little backstory first: I tend to drink a lot of beer, wine, and liquor, all of which come in glass bottles. I also am your typical bleeding-heart conservationist who actually cares about all the shit that we dump into the biosphere and all those animals, myself and children included, who then have to live in a totally fucked up, birth defect producing environment. Also, being human, I do the relatively easy thing and recycle. You might still be asking, why does the bother me?

Look, it goes like this: I like beer in the bottle. If the recycling place won't take glass, I have huge guilt at throwing away all that glass. Something has got to give so instead of buying beer in glass I have to choose the alternative: cans. I have to go back to drinking beer in the can. Do you know what kind of beer selection they have for cans? Not much, and certainly not the quality of beer that I have become accustomed to drinking.

So there you have it. Thanks AIG, Fannie and Freddie Mac, Bear Stearns, and the big Three, you have forced me to drink beer out of cans. You bunch of motherfuckers, you. Also, this gives me a chance to post one of my favorite Pundit Kitchen pictures of all time, posted below.

See you in beer can hell, Mr. Greenspan.

10,000 Shitty Diapers

NGC 7331, pretty bad-ass.

Go check out the 10 Best Astronomy Pictures of 2008. It rules pretty hard. There is an especially awesome video of the moon transiting the Earth that will blow your fucking mind. Maybe I should have embedded that. Nah, fuck it.

Anyway, I've been meaning to do a post a day since the semester is over but we've been up to our elbows in shit around here. Seriously, Tiny has some kind of goddamn virus that makes him shit the most foul smelling diarrhea at least 10 times a day. I'm not exaggerating the figure or the up to the elbows part, either.

Yesterday, Felicia was bathing both children with toys and everything when Tiny shit all in the water. I was pretty lucky in that she was the one who stuck her hands into that shit to dig out the toys and the children but I still had to get all the toys and throw them away and clean out the sink where she put them. It was pretty fucking gross. Especially considering that our bathroom doesn't have a vent fan and all four of us were crammed into an impossibly small space breathing in the stink of shit while we cleaned up everything and everyone.

People who use that saying "throw out the baby with the bathwater" have obviously never been confronted by a tub containing two children and bath toys, filled with tepid water and human shit, because that's exactly your first impulse, to just flush it all the fuck away. So don't use that idiom unless you have experienced it first hand, because you just sound like an asshole if you haven't.

More Like Sunday

This guy learned a few things about not giving a fuck.

So yeah, the semester is over. I hate my wife and want her to go away, but only because she is saying things that I don't want to hear.

Dude, I am so drunk right now. There is a movie on and it pisses me off.

We had game night and it was pretty cool.

I was thinking about the Chbosky novel I reviewed below and I decided that I was too nice to that motherfucker. This fucking guy, he writes in the style of a wannabe angst filled teen who is so pissed at his suburban family and their petty bourgeois concerns, but one who loves his family and views them as the base for his actions.

Attention Mr. Chbosky: Shut the fuck up with your stupid ass preaching. You understand nothing and convey even less with your writings. You have no real idea of the hatred that adolescent boys feel and the fact that you write shit for MTV makes you a fucking loser.

I hate "coming of age novels". They all suck. No one but teens care about teens. The rest of us feel shame about that terrible time in our lives and don't care to relive it with horribly rendered prose about masturbation and high school.

The people who say that high school was the best time of their life are the most vacant pieces of shit you could ever hope to meet.

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK.

Book Review

The Woman in the Dunes, Kobo Abe

The Sea, John Banville

The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky

A while back I wrote about how I wanted to read a new book by an author unknown to me classified alphabetically by last name, i.e., start with the A's go to the Z's. Well, I have gotten through the first three letters of the alphabet and I decided it was time for a progress report.

To start, I read The Woman in the Dunes. It ruled. I kind of had the feeling that I lost a lot in the translation from Japanese to English, but it ruled anyway. I identified more with the actual woman in the dunes than with the dude who found her but I'll leave it up to you to read it. Just google the shit and buy it already.

Then, I read The Sea. It ruled more than The Woman in the Dunes by several levels of magnitude. John Banville rules. He has a way with the language that makes you want to be him. I have the feeling that he is the reason that some people want to become writers, just so you can own as much as he does. I will say that the ending does not satisfy, but he writes such a dense landscape that you can forgive him. He almost makes you feel like you are there, the way a great writer does, especially if you have spent any time at the shore, contemplating the infinitude of the waves.

Last up is Chbosky's work, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I made it through about 30 pages of this dogshit. First up, he writes the book in a "compendium of letters to some other person" format. I forgave him that shit. Then, the protagonist, a 15 year old boy, spends all his time crying and being emo and shit, even though he kicks some bully's ass. I looked the other way on that one too. Then, the straw: he writes to his "friend" that although he is 15 he has just discovered what masturbation is and decides to describe it to his "pen pal".

Fucking Total Shit. I could deal with the crying and the letter format, but this is completely fucking stupid. There is no male (I'm totally generalizing from my own experience here) who does not know what the fuck masturbation is all about by the time that he is 15 fucking years old. Bull-Motherfucking-Shit. Stephen Chbosky is a motherfucking idiot who writes "coming of age" novels for teen girls. Avoid this fucking idiot like the plague because he has no idea how to convey the absolute terror that being an adolescent male entails. He is a fucking shill. Fuck him, the fucking loser.

So, in sum, read some books and shit, make your own opinions because mine certainly suck.

Principia What?

Leibniz and Newton.

Go ahead, invent some other way to analyze the natural world, I'll own that shit too. What? You're dead? Damn, I'll just have to own someone else's shit then. Where the hell is Riemann? Just kidding, that shit is way out of my depth.

It's more than a little unfair to claim that I am on par with Newton and Leibniz, but I did complete the Calculus series with straight A's, so I feel that I need to brag a little bit. I won't lie, it was fucking brutal. It's really not fair to ask students to compress and understand 300 plus years of mathematical discovery over the course of 45 weeks, or three semesters. The depth of knowledge is so vast that even though I seem to have excelled in my studies, I actually don't fully grasp the implications of what I have learned. You just have to take on faith the things that you learn and then look in wonder at what has been found and realize the gulf that remains and how that you will probably not ever contribute in any meaningful way, but that maybe, you can begin to realize what the fuck is going on.

I went to a party tonight. It was a far cry from the ideal of a party that I have experienced: Dionysian excesses coupled with the rage of a trapped animal. It does not make for a pretty morning after to be sure. It was fun, but adult fun, not horrible grasping, terrible, adolescent fun. It was measured, not the kind of hedonistic endeavor that you hope leads to some tawdry hookup with a friend. I can't believe that people actually miss those days.

Anyway, there is no message, only the absurdity of living.