Sector King Zulu King

See what I mean? I'm a goddamn screaming endorsement for all things effete, liberal, and white: flat front khakis, button down shirts, and non-Budweiser beer.

Gavin took this of us making burrito fixings.

Two more pictures via Gavin.

It's pretty cool that Gavin knows how to take pictures with the camera we have. Tonight as we were making dinner, we kept him occupied by sending him around the apartment to take pictures of whatever he desired. Not only did it keep him out of our hair but it was pretty cool to see how he, literally, views the world.

Also it gives me perspective into parenting, like maybe I should cut him some slack sometimes. I like to imagine that if I was in a world where giants twice my size spoke a language I only halfway understood expected me to perform insanely long tasks that were crazily complex and beyond my manipulation with little or no supervision, then getting pissed that I didn't execute the tasks to specification, and those giants were drunk half the time. Talk about a bad fucking trip.

I need to be easier on my kids but if I go too easy those fuckers will walk all over you. I watched a snail sliding, slithering along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare.

Someone Comes and Kicks Me in the Balls

Only nerds think this is funny.

I was talking to my brother the other day via facebook and I asked him if he had gotten his PhD yet and he said he had stopped going to graduate school because people are jammed up their own asses. I agreed but I didn't think too much about it then. Then the semester started and I started taking a course about research and the reality of what he said hit me full force. Here I was reading these god-awful articles that were published in peer-reviewed journals that were expounding about all these constructs, and all this jargon,and all the things that may be happening but you can't really pin down because it's fucking pointless, and I got pissed about all the goddamn yammering, and self importance and all that. I was starting to feel pretty shitty about everything.

Here's the thing: it's all just bullshit. All of it is total bullshit. I started feeling better once I realized this and decided that if these motherfuckers can make a life, a pretty easy one at that, believing their own shit and feeding that shit to others, then I sure as hell could too. I mean fuck it. It doesn't matter, just make some shit up, call it what you want,define it the way you want, measure it the way you want to, and if a bunch of other assholes agree, presto! So fuck it all, if there's anything I'm good at, it's making shit up. Whatever the fuck anyone does it doesn't matter because in a while it will either all be forgotten or totally discredited, and by that time no one will give a fuck. So let's indulge in some shameless self promotion and bullshittery. Fuck it dude, let's go bowling.

I mean look at me now. I went out and bought some new clothes and now I look like some kind of goddamn L.L. Bean ad. I'll post some pictures on that shit later, because it is pretty ridiculous. I figure if I look enough like the faculty, maybe someone will give me an office, and tenure even. What shit.

Check out Hourly Comics. They rule.

Week 1

Oh, yeah.

While it is technically the second week of the semester, it really only feels like the first because the University canceled half of last week. It's going pretty well. There have been tools, to be sure, but no where near the amount or magnitude of last semester.

Also, work is pretty cool. I think that has a lot to do with my sunnier outlook about things. That and it got warmer and the days are getting longer and sometimes you start to feel that God didn't create the Universe just so he could have a cheap laugh at all your hardships.

Only another hour and a half until I'm the fuck out of here and crawled up in that bottle. Life is unexpected.

What the Fuck is This Nonsense

Suck a dick, Mr. Warhol.

I had to replant a piece of one of my creepers today. I chose the soup can out of necessity, as I had thrown out the pickle container earlier. Anyway, I started this post with the intention of telling Art to go fuck itself, and that I am clueless about it, but now I was thinking about how awesome plants are with their photosynthesis and lack of central nervous system, but I won't bore you with the nerd shit.

I saw a homeless guy on the way to the gym tonight and I thought, "There is a person just like me. He is cold, living on the street, alone, begging, and probably feeling like shit." I didn't even rationalize it I just said, "Fuck him." Oh well.

So, go fuck yourself Art and homeless people!

Say Goodbye to Productivity

More Epic Win.

So we just had to get a Wii Fit to go along with our new console. It rules on so many levels that everyone in the country should get one.

And yes, the guy who gave his first wife so much shit about doing yoga now wakes up at 630 every morning and does his yoga routine because the if he doesn't, the Wii will be disappointed in him. Seriously, if you take a day off the software mocks you for being a slacker the next time you turn it on. Also, it reminds you to brush your teeth, which is just weird.

On an unrelated note, since taking office President Obama hasn't cured cancer, ended all human suffering, or paid any of my bills. What the fuck? I thought he would have had this shit taken care of by now. I'm totally voting Republican in the mid-terms. Throw the bums out, I say.

Delayed Drinkification

I should have put this in the last post.

True to form, my goddamn kids can't let me have shit. Tonight, as posted previously, I planned on getting home from work and drinking a huge whiskey-soda, you know, to calm the nerves and all that. Well, Kiernan decides he needs to go to the goddamn doctor's office because he's all sickly and coughing and hoarse. So that was my after work celebration, a fucking doctor visit. It reminds me of the time my old man yelled at us, "I can't even take a shit in peace!"

Don't worry though, I'm totally going to fuck up their adolescences with my crude sexual references and social ineptitude and then their adult lives with my old age and dementia. Take that, you damn kids.

Work, Work, Work

First this.

Then this.

Economic downturn my ass, today was my first full day of work since the summer of 2007. I have to say that being a math tutor certainly trumps cleaning up shit all day long. I have the same feeling I used to have when I tutored new Arabic students at DLI.

I knew a guy in the Marine Corps who told me, after I had had a particularly shitty year, "Don't worry. Next year is going to be the Year of the Toche." As it turned out he was right and I did have a pretty bad ass year. I kind of feel like that again, like this year is going to be pretty fucking sweet.

Man, does that seem like another lifetime.

Check out the Bird and the Bee. They totally rule.

I Done Been Jobulated and Occupatized

Get used to a lot more of this shit.

So I landed this sweet gig at the university working in the Math Lab. I start on Saturday which is good because Felicia irresponsibly quit her job and now we have no money. I mean, no money at all coming in.

Oh yeah, the semester started and my days are just one long exasperated sigh with a head shake after another.

More Sweetness

If there is something better than listening to metal, while drinking gin, and making stew on Saturday night, then I haven't found it.

I would argue that getting blown in addition to all of the above would be better, but, come on, this isn't heaven.

Finally

Epic Win.

So, I decided I wanted to splurge and buy a Wii after playing one at Hailee's house (Hailee is one of Felicia's friends. I don't have any.). But, I live in a frozen shithole and everyone was sold out. I was checking constantly with every retailer I could think of. I needed this device more than sex, or booze, even. It was brutal. Finally, I go to the store to pick up our WIC supplies and on a whim check the electronicals section.

Fucking Jackpot.

I ask the guy, "Hey, is that it? Is that everything?"

Guy, "Yeah."

Me, "Get me one."

So yeah, I ended up getting government supplied juice and milk and dropped 250 bones on a gaming system on my credit card in the same visit. I'm totally not worried about it, though. Barack Obama is going to pay all my bills for me as soon as he is inaugurated, you know, socialism and all.

Sweet.

Same Old Shit, Dog

Harry Potter-a-thon.

Wearing a boonie hat and enjoying an after cleaning drink.

Resolutions, shmesolutions, I'm too set in my ways to change anything so let's just take a shit on our children's generation.

Check out this dumb shit from MSN. It's terrible. On second thought don't read that, because it's just an exercise in the confirmation bias of millions of stupid assholes. I hope they all get cancer and die in the most horrible of ways, whilst their children and parents spit in their faces and tell them that they totally sucked on all levels.

I really have no tolerance for these worthless shit stains.

Ball Sack

I probably would have had an easier time dealing with this guy.

Seriously. The past few days have been just one big kick in the nuts after another. Let's see, where to start?

It got super fucking cold here. It hasn't been above zero for the high temperature for more than a week. It's close to record low temps for this time of year at night. It sucks, and yet, while I was out at the store the other day, I see a jackass wearing flip flops and cut offs. I can't tell you how many dumbfucks I've seen standing around in sub zero temps wearing only hoodies and jeans. Fucking idiots.

Because it was so cold my car wouldn't start and we had to spend two days trying to get it working again. I can't even describe the fiasco it was to get the motherfucker running again. Let's just say that I was so pissed I vowed when I get out of this fucking state I'm never going to live in a place with such ridiculous cold ever again.

There is a mystery blockage in my tub's drain and so tonight I had to bathe out of the kitchen sink. It sucked ass.

The fucking lady at Starbucks this morning was so goddamn incompetent I actually had to yell at her. I mean usually I don't bother if service is shitty or fucked up because you know shit happens, but this woman butt fucked every single part of the order. I had to tell her twice what I wanted and she fucked the order and then charged me too much and took entirely too long to count out the fucked up change she was giving me.

Also, while at Starbucks, I saw some lady wearing a McCain/Palin hoodie. Loser.

There are still no Nintendo Wii consoles in this shit hole. Fuck beans.