Preggo Update

Gross.

Felicia is currently 36 weeks. For those of you who don't have kids don't believe everything you see on television. So far we have had no insane cravings, emotional meltdowns, existential crises and most importantly, no retarded decisions to have the baby at home in a tub of water with no drugs and some gnarled old voodoo priestess in the corner reading chicken entrails.

That, I assume, is the message of this post. The Discovery Health Channel is totally full of shit. I don't know where they dig up these women who insist upon "natural" childbirth or water births or any of that shit. Look, we all know that women are physiologically capable of birthing children without all the modern conveniences, the real question is why the hell would anyone want to do it that way? To prove you are tough? To show everyone how cool you are? Get off the ego-trip you ass-hats. These are the same women who want to go to work and raise children while foisting the responsibility of child care onto disinterested third parties. They want a career and the special bond of motherhood but then wonder why their children end up so fucked up 15 years down the road, when they are being booked for prostitution because they had to score money for the next high.

I don't go to the dentist and tell him, "Hey, for this visit I don't want to have any drugs until I ask for them." Then 45 minutes into the procedure breakdown and sobbingly ask for novocaine and feel like a failure because I couldn't take it.

Do you see how stupid that little vignette is? I feel the stinging burn of stupidity every time I see things like "Baby Story" or whatever that stupid fuck show is. If you really want to show everyone how cool/tough/womanly you are try this: You are in labor, but you don't go to the hospital you go to the gym. Grunt out a grueling leg workout and while you are screaming against the failure of your fifth set of squats someone punches you in the face while the child is crowning. Then you can be cool.