Week 2

Attention other people who populate the campus! Stop sucking so hard. As many of you have noticed, you are all douches of the highest order. I have seen you around, being terrible, and stupid, and ignorant. You are shit heads and you need to get over yourselves.

Let me break down some shit for all of you on campus, especially the ones who happen to be in my classes:

1. No one cares what you think. Even if the professor asks, no one really cares about your opinion. Keep these stupid, stupid things to yourself. If and only if you must speak because the classroom situation requires you to open your mouth; pause, think back and remember (if you did the assigned reading) what the text said; pause some more, think about what you derived from the text (again, only if you bothered to open your ridiculously expensive book); pause once again, formulate a coherent thought and then state your understanding of the matter that was covered in the text.

*Note: If a no answer was given to any if situation above, shut the goddamn fuck up.

2. When you are out, keep in mind that 10 minutes before class starts, you are not the only one going somewhere, and that some of us, have places to be and don't like being late. I know, lots of you are out there, fucking around, talking to some bitches, getting in my way. Please, remember that your pathetic existence is not going to get any better by going to college, so please, stay home and stay the fuck out of my way.

3. Males aged 18 to 22: you suck. Look, I know. I was one very recently and I know that I sucked. You too, also suck. I hate you and wish you the absolute worst. And no, your stupid attire, or sunglasses, or hats, or skateboards, or your loud talking about some guy who, "smoked like, two ounces", or your stupid ass dread locks, or what ever it is that you cling to for an identity don't make you cool.

4. Also, males in general: get your fat fucking asses to the goddamn gym. Do a fucking push-up, ride a bike, don't get the super-caloric, milk shake type drink from Starbucks every class break, try not to eat fast food all the goddamn time, something. Stop being so goddamn weak and maybe all the hot, young women around campus might actually want to fuck you. I don't know, it's a start anyway. Also, try a shower, or shaving, or some shit. When a skinny motherfucker like me with my long-ass hair is the most fit, clean-cut guy in the room there is a problem with the rest of the men there.

5. Women: stop wearing pajama pants to school. You are not cool. Probably no one even likes you. You are not a free-spirit or what the fuck ever. You suck. Go put on some real fucking pants.

6. All of you motherfuckers need to wear shoes and socks, at all times.

7. Just stop being douches so much, okay.

Around Campus

Here are a few pictures from a place I like to hang out on campus. It's usually empty, except for hot-assed coeds and the occasional dip-shit who is walking through talking about how he has "friends" all over the country because the fat motherfucker is in some stupid frat, nice job fat-ass, good luck with the heart disease. All rancor aside, this place is pretty neat and I like to come sit and fuck around here when I could be studying. It makes me think that I am in some sci-fi book and I live in some sort of giant arkship that is adrift among the stars and I am one of the last human inhabitants, which is just fine with me, or that I live on some personal hollowed out asteroid because I am mega rich and I can afford to be a space recluse.



Like I said, it's pretty bad-ass with the stream and the greenery, it is a good place to sit and reflect, or as Felicia says I do, sit and silently judge everyone and everything. Seriously, does that sound like me?

Speaking of campus shit, I am taking a communications class this semester. Booooorrrrriiiinnnngggg. It is really infuriating because it just reinforces people's stereotypes, i.e. Men are the strong, silent type, or when communicating they only want to "fix" women's problems and women talk just to connect and just want someone to listen to them. Can we please just throw some fucking dirt on this shit already? I am so fucking infinitely bored with this shit. Why don't I just get a fucking shirt that says: "Hi, I'm male, ruled by my penis, and therefore incapable of being a human being. Please don't expect anything other than this from me because it would be a crime if, as a society, we could grow a little bit. Now, show me them titties!"

The Horror, The Horror

No, it's not an overweight insane Marlon Brando or the reflections of an ivory procurer for the company, it happens to be my reaction to this story in USA Today.

I would usually write more or express my outrage, but I am busy. Well, I should be busy but I am obviously taking a break from my busy schedule which includes:

a) sitting in Starbucks on campus and not exploding at the guy today who said, "and that's Schroedinger's cat," with a smugness you could taste in the back of your throat, or maybe that's the bile.

b) being assaulted by co-eds who wish me to bring over "the baby" and answer trite questions about him.

c) feeling very self-conscious about sitting around doing homework problems from a weighty Calculus book for fear that some dumb-ass may come up and say, "You're good at math, huh?"