Siiiigggghhhh

Now, imagine Ol' Saint Nick here, but nude, gesticulating wildly, and half-yelling, "Watch out, the Federalies are everywhere." That's what I walked into in the gym locker room tonight. No shit. Don't move to Alaska, these motherfuckers are everywhere up here.

Also, Sex and the City is a terrible, terrible show. I hate it.

P.S. I am bored. Bored. Like Chino Moreno screaming inside my skull. This is why I drink.

Suck On This!

This is what happens, Larry, when you fuck the people of the State of Alaska in the ass!

So, yeah, you've probably seen this already but it bears repeating. Go read the link, it's pretty sweet. You know, I'm really not one of those people who think that politicians are all corrupt and government is the problem but I have to smile when I see some asshole like Sen. Stevens getting indicted. My main beef with him is how much of an asshole he is. He's your typical Republican panderer who blames Washington and the Democrats and "big government" for all the ills in the country while in the meantime earmarks the shit out of bills to benefit his state and funnels millions of dollars to Alaska via the same government he claims is the problem. It's hypocrisy at it's best, especially the way he denies any wrong-doing and even brags about "stuffing bills like a turkey." What a dick.

I could go on about this but I don't want to. Instead I'll leave you to find out some more shit about our Senator and how he is totally going to get fucked. The Anchorage Daily News is a good place to start.

Oh yeah, the semester is over so I am completely un-engaged for the next three weeks.

The THEODORE

So, I can't get the goddamn thing to make this caption above the picture. I want to say that this picture should be put up on lolcats or some shit. But this cat is pretty funny looking right? Right?



Yo, check it. I made some bread. 4 loaves of it. I also made some dope ass casserole with some bear meat and a goddamn pie with apples and raspberries that I froze last year. I totally fucking rock balls.

We went to Fairbanks this past weekend. It sucked. I drove a long fucking way to hang around at a museum that had a mammoth skull and then hang out at a park.

Okay, I got bored. I think I might repost this shit. But right now I am too drunk to give a shit.

Woo!

New Funny Shit

So, I am bored and should be doing homework for my ridiculously stupid English class. A little side note here, never, ever, ever take a technical writing course, you will want to stick an ice pick into your brain it is so fuckingly, stupidly subjective and worthless. Instead of doing that shit I decided to update my links and add two sites that I have been seriously enjoying lately and feel greedy keeping them to myself. The sites are:

Pictures for Sad Children

&

Toothpaste for Dinner

Both of these sites rule. It helps if you read Pictures from the beginning but Toothpaste is good anywhere. Many people, no doubt, already visit these sites but I like to draw attention to these two because I consistently laugh and agree with what the comic's author has to say.

Fuck this. I'm going to watch the ducks outside in the stream and write haikus or some other self-indulgent bullshit. Later.

Around Campus

Here are a few pictures from a place I like to hang out on campus. It's usually empty, except for hot-assed coeds and the occasional dip-shit who is walking through talking about how he has "friends" all over the country because the fat motherfucker is in some stupid frat, nice job fat-ass, good luck with the heart disease. All rancor aside, this place is pretty neat and I like to come sit and fuck around here when I could be studying. It makes me think that I am in some sci-fi book and I live in some sort of giant arkship that is adrift among the stars and I am one of the last human inhabitants, which is just fine with me, or that I live on some personal hollowed out asteroid because I am mega rich and I can afford to be a space recluse.



Like I said, it's pretty bad-ass with the stream and the greenery, it is a good place to sit and reflect, or as Felicia says I do, sit and silently judge everyone and everything. Seriously, does that sound like me?

Speaking of campus shit, I am taking a communications class this semester. Booooorrrrriiiinnnngggg. It is really infuriating because it just reinforces people's stereotypes, i.e. Men are the strong, silent type, or when communicating they only want to "fix" women's problems and women talk just to connect and just want someone to listen to them. Can we please just throw some fucking dirt on this shit already? I am so fucking infinitely bored with this shit. Why don't I just get a fucking shirt that says: "Hi, I'm male, ruled by my penis, and therefore incapable of being a human being. Please don't expect anything other than this from me because it would be a crime if, as a society, we could grow a little bit. Now, show me them titties!"

Happy Fourth!

Celebrating Independence in the true spirit of the Founding Fathers: getting wrecked, eating barbecue, and playing badminton.

Pre-game cocktails. This recipe is pomegranate vodka, pomegranate mixer, and orange liqueur. It comes off as a little too pomegranate-y, so I need to play with the mix a little. I am thinking regular vodka would take the fruity edge off.

Here is Kiernan with an ear of corn. He is pretty stoked.

Here is a picture of Gavin. He was hanging out with the chef for the barbecue, picking up some tips on how to cook ribeye steaks. Mmmm, steak.

Who says I'm not a patriot? Why look at this motherfucking Old Glory shortcake I made. I should be the next president I'm so goddamn 'merican.

Unfortunately I have no pictures from the badminton showdown between Felicia and myself because no one took any of us out there. It was fucking brutal. It was best two out of three, to 21, after several drinks, mandatory drink guzzling breaks at the halfway mark, between what turns out to be two super-competitive people. Brutal. I ended up winning but it went pretty much down to the wire. I have a feeling that this has more to do with my higher BMI being able to process and store more alcohol than Felicia. Whatever, another notch in the W column, fuck it.

I would say something else here about patriotism, civic responsibility, how this country is great, and how being American is goddamn near orgasmic compared to being say, Zimbabwean, but I won't. I'm not going to bore you motherfuckers with all that shit because a: if you took the time to read it and didn't quit after the first sentence then you probably already agree with what I have to say and b: surprisingly I'm not THAT full of myself. I mean hey, we all know America is fucked up and inequitable and people are rendered into pulp everyday by the American Dream and no one even gives a fuck. In spite of all that depressing shit mentioned in the last sentence we don't go ape shit and kill each other en masse because we are Americans and goddammit, we have governmental choices and elections and all that other shit that a bunch of fucked up, pissed off, aristocratic, white guys dreamed up and implemented a long time ago.

Wait, it seems I am that full of myself.