There It Is

Am I the only one who doesn't give a shit about the special election that is sure to be the end of Obama's presidency? Anyway, here's some haiku:

Magpie in the spruce
Crisp mountain in the distance
Conscious and breathing

Chaotic tree form
Linear architecture
Snow covering both

Outside my window
Mind creates differing names
all forms are empty

I don't know if these are good, and frankly, I don't give a fuck if they aren't. They just came to me this afternoon, so suck it.

Also, This

A Stupid Twat.

Go read this goddamn article. I couldn't get past the first line so I don't really know what it says, but my guess is that it's subtly ribbing on the goddamn teabag fucktards, like this dumb whore pictured above.

The best part about this dumbass is that she is a stay at home mother. Don't get me wrong, I've stayed at home and taken care of children so I know how much of a thankless, labor intensive job that rearing children is, but I was never under any illusions that I actually paid taxes or that any of the money that Felicia "earned" was "my" money.

That's My Shit!

Fucking Idiot.

Check out this stupid shit. Fuck, man, the shit she says is so fucking stupid and just fucking made up, you just, ungh. And even if it was true with the mandatory abortions and killing geezers or what the fuck ever this dumb bitch thinks is in the bill, who the fuck cares? Because fuck them. If I had to shoot a few retarded kids or gas some old people so my kids can go to the fucking doctor, I'd fucking do it. Because fuck you too. If what it took was aborting fetuses so that I could actually get to see a dentist for the first fucking time in over five years, then give me the goddamn coat hanger already. Because fuck you too. I don't give a fuck. If taking a bunch of middle class, suburban, white people's hard earned money from their grueling job where the most they have to put up with is taking shit from a customer, or shit from their boss, then give me the fucking money. Because fuck them. Fuck you too. Mobb Deep? Fuck you too. My fo-fo make sure all y'all kids don't grow.

I've been listening to too much hip hop lately. Seriously though, Sarah, you're the kind of person about whom my mother would say, "Well, bless her heart." because mom never was one for calling a stupid fucking cunt, a stupid fucking cunt. Also, get the fuck out already.

So, if anyone is going to be in the Anchorage area tomorrow and want to see the train wreck that is going to be the bat shit crazy protesters and possibly troll the shit out of them at the stimulus funds veto overriding special legislative session check out this link for the details.

Palin, Eat a Fat One

So, you've already heard the news but I just wanted to say that I am glad this fucking waste of flesh is soon to be no longer in charge of the state. I fucking loathe Palin, so I hope she fucking chokes.

Also, during the 4th of July parade yesterday, a bunch of fucking assholes kept saying, "Enjoy your freedom." like a bunch of smug fucking shitheads. You know what motherfucker? I don't need some fucking idiot to remind me to enjoy freedom. I enjoy my freedom every time I give some anti-gay protesters the finger. I enjoy my freedom every time I tell the internet that a public official can go suck a box of dicks. I enjoy my freedom every time I watch video of a woman sucking off a horse. I enjoy my freedom every time I drop a fuck load of f-bombs in the produce section. So all you stupid motherfuckers who feel the need to remind people to enjoy freedom can go get bent, because we're probably already enjoying the fuck out of it already, without your smug fucking comment, douche.

God bless the fuck out of America.

New Year's Delusions

Happy New Year!

Here's to lying to yourself for another 365 days! Don't worry about me though, I'm just bitter because you're happy. Ha Ha!

Seriously, though can't we just put President Obama in charge already so I can stop seeing news shows about "What is President-elect Obama's response to Israel, Blagojevich, the economy, etc." Since when did rampant speculation become worthy of being put on the news 24 hours a day? Don't answer that.

Also, don't channel surf after midnight while sober. It turns you into a gremlin or some shit.

Yeah, whatever.

Also, in Other News

People magazine reports another hilariously terrible event from Alaska.

Pure, unfiltered class.

News Flash!

Dick Cheney is still a soul-less asshole.

That's pretty much it.

I Get BORED!!!

Hells yes.

So yeah, I have to say that this shit is pretty funny. I don't really care about drug offenses, I just don't care. I do think it is funny that the future mother in law of my governor's knocked up teen is going to the clink for a while. Yes, quite funny.

Also, there is this. I will confess that I don't know shit about this case because I haven't been following it, but I will say that I applaud this guy for pleading guilty instead of being like the other fuck heads I posted about who used defenses like, "I'm a drunk." or "I'm a fucking loser." Thinking about it again, fuck those guys. I hope they are enjoying prison, the fucking dicks.

That's about it. Oh yeah, this is my 100th post. Yay, me!

Suck it dry!

Also,

What an election win is supposed to look like.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

Say goodbye to your fucking Senate seat, you are going to Federal Pound Me In The Ass Prison. This is totally fucking great. Now, get your fucking asses over and donate to Mark Begich.

Tell Your Friends Peace

Check out this comic from Toothpaste for Dinner.

So, I went out last night. It was terrible. Smoking in bars is still allowed in the stupid Mat-Su Valley, home of a bunch of stupid motherfucking rednecks. Yesterday, I saw a mud-coated truck that had the words "No bama" and "Vote McCain or die" spray painted on the tailgate and door. Of course, the truck was piloted by some mouth-breathing, fuck-tard, white kid who definitely had no idea about how government even works, much less an informed opinion about theories of governance. What a fucking douche. And to think we live in a society that actually permits this idiot a voice in how business is conducted. Un-fucking-believable.

Anyway, I went out and was promptly reminded of why I like drinking alone, in my house, the fuck away from a bunch of leathered-up Harley riders, bitches singing karaoke, and motherfuckers dressing like they just got off the cattle drive. Felicia and I were talking about how there is a vast, untapped research potential for observing human mating behavior that exists in bars all across the country. I mean, I could perpetually produce articles detailing how stupidly people behave if I could just have some audio/video feed from local bars.

Yeah, I did the whole bar, drink, talk with strangers (about sports of all things), went somewhere else, met up with some peeps, hugged a bunch of people, and yes, danced. I fucking danced, for fuck's sake. Here I am parading around like I'm some kind of adult, but stick me in the right situation and I'll be goddammed if I don't end up doing some stupid shit like dancing. Fuck, I was wasted.

I Wonder How Much Pain It Would Take

Yeah, I cut my hair.

I can has table scraps?

Ahh, the bipolarity of children.

So, yeah, that's me. I cut my hair. I found myself enraged whilst trying to buckle car seats this week so I said, "Fuck it. We'll do it Live!" Now, I'm back to an almost regulation haircut. Crazy. Hell, I think it looks good, it emphasizes the fact that I've become painfully skinny. Seriously, I've lost 10 or so pounds since we moved, and that's factoring in the food poisoning losses. I've got to tell you, I feel crazy, amped up, almost unhinged, on the precipice of some unrealizable drop, completely enraged, morbidly detached. Without sounding too much like some poetry spouting loser, the other day I was staring into something so vacant it made me question my existence.

I've also been eerily quiet on the political news front. I blame Felicia. She gets to hear all my good shit and then I think that if I repost here, it gets too redundant. This, however, warrants some attention. I know that everyone and their brother has been lampooning Sarah Palin, I don't like her, I think she is incompetent, and that she is coached to say what the Party deems okay, but this is some shit that I can't fathom. She says some shit about how "Joe the Plumber" is afraid that Obama will take his money and redistribute it to people who haven't worked as hard as he has. To this I reply, "Goddamn straight."

Listen up, motherfuckers. I am one of those poor motherfuckers you hate. I am a living, breathing example of why you should support welfare. I get WIC, and childcare assistance. I go to college because I served in the military and paid my shit to have the GI Bill. I have paid taxes and while I currently don't because of school, I will have a degree soon and then be forced to get a job and pay taxes again. Without all the help we get now, I would be fucked.

So, yeah, Joe the fucking Plumber, I would not only take your earrings, but I would put you and your whole fucking family on the fucking rack and torture the shit out of you all if that's what it took for my kids to fucking eat. I would fuck your shit up. All you rich people too, you motherfuckers mean nothing to me. I'd fuck your shit up too. So be glad that we live in a society where all we do is take your money so undeserving, non-hardworking motherfuckers like me and my kids get the crumbs from the adult table so that we can live and maybe, just maybe, we can make something better for our kids than what our parents had. And don't get me wrong, I know I am one of the lucky ones.

Fuck Joe the Plumber and fuck Joe Sixpack while we're at it, the motherfucking alcoholic.

Suck On This!

This is what happens, Larry, when you fuck the people of the State of Alaska in the ass!

So, yeah, you've probably seen this already but it bears repeating. Go read the link, it's pretty sweet. You know, I'm really not one of those people who think that politicians are all corrupt and government is the problem but I have to smile when I see some asshole like Sen. Stevens getting indicted. My main beef with him is how much of an asshole he is. He's your typical Republican panderer who blames Washington and the Democrats and "big government" for all the ills in the country while in the meantime earmarks the shit out of bills to benefit his state and funnels millions of dollars to Alaska via the same government he claims is the problem. It's hypocrisy at it's best, especially the way he denies any wrong-doing and even brags about "stuffing bills like a turkey." What a dick.

I could go on about this but I don't want to. Instead I'll leave you to find out some more shit about our Senator and how he is totally going to get fucked. The Anchorage Daily News is a good place to start.

Oh yeah, the semester is over so I am completely un-engaged for the next three weeks.

Third Try Here

Well, I did have two tremendously stupid bumper stickers to post for you here, but I didn't take a picture of the one (Tolerance is for people who lack conviction) and I couldn't find a web picture large enough for the other (Friends don't let friends eat farmed fish! Support Alaska's wild fishermen), but I'll have more to say on those later.

In the meantime, look at this stupid shit that I found while googling the phrase: stupid bumper stickers.

I don't even know where to begin with this so I'll go back to the original impetus for this post, the "tolerance" bumper sticker. I was at the gym tonight and as I was leaving I saw this sticker, which I had seen before, and I got sick to my stomach. I mean, I was just in the same enclosed area with someone who, by virtue of this sticker, is saying, "All non-white, non-protestant, non-English speakers disrobe and wait in this line for the cham...I mean showers." Fuck. I'm not even asking for acceptance here but this is the equivalent of having a sticker that says, "Wannsee Was Right!"

It always angries up the blood to see this shit. It's kind of like every person I've ever met who was a self described anarchist. You know the type: skinny, pale, white, and when pressed on the issue, has no real justification for thinking the way they do and no real argument as to why you shouldn't beat their ass and take their jacket, shoes, wallet, car, bitch, whatever. I mean, an anarchist would understand that right? The kind of motherfucker who would be totally fucked in an anarchic situation because they're the first to be a) killed and robbed, or b) claimed by the largest male and made into prostitutes and then later killed and robbed.

The point is, stupid people who festoon their person, car, residence, with this kind of dog shit rely on the tolerance of others that don't haul off and torch their car, like me, and the laws of the government they claim to hate to protect themselves from others who would kill them, like me. Fucking idiots, all.

The second sticker "Farmed fish" is also equally stupid. I'm no ecologist, I don't know fuck all about fishing, and to be honest, I don't care. Supposing that this same principle of no farming was drafted onto other areas of production, it would be reasonable to assume that you could find stickers admonishing people to not eat farmed grain and to support local gatherers, or not consume farmed antibiotics and support local biochemists. It's fucking dumb. It's just another logical dead end that appeals to the jackasses up here whose whole life is fishing, have never heard of the commons, and oppose government limits to catches until the fisheries collapse and then complain that "the guvment" didn't do anything to protect us taxpayers. They took'r jobs!!!

As for the John Kerry thing, like I said, it still makes no sense.

In other news tonight, I officially became a Barack Obama supporter today after John Edwards endorsed the Senator from Illinois. The quick story on that is that I was a Hillary supporter after Edwards (my original choice) left the race before the primaries here, because I liked her health care plan better and, if elected, would probably piss off so many motherfucking conservatives that the death rate due to stroke and cardiac arrest would skyrocket in that demographic. Yeah, it is a mean spirited reason to support a candidate but I still like Hillary Clinton because she is driven by power. You have to fucking respect that. She basically ran on the platform that, "I'll do and say anything, just immortalize me by making me the first woman President in U.S. history."

Also, tonight was the first time I heard Sen. Obama speak. I had deliberately avoided hearing both candidates speak because I wanted any decision I made about them to be the rationed analysis of what their policies would be if elected and not, "Well, hell yeah! You heard him/her! His/Her impassioned rhetoric has swayed my dubious allegiance! Whoo!" I didn't want to fall into the trap of having emotions ruling what should be a rational decision about the person who is going to be ultimately responsible for the government of me and my family for at least the next four years. Anyway, after I heard Sen. Obama speak about the poor (me) and how his mother made sacrifices for a better life for him and how John Edward's family made sacrifices for him, my thoughts went something like this:

"Well, fuck yeah! You know what? Fuck those rich-ass people, gettin' a motherfuckin' tax break! Taking shit away from my kids? Hell no! Let's go drink some whiskey and then put a few bricks through windows and set some cars on fire and shit!"

So, there you have it.

Alaska Verdicts 2

A little fish is still a catch, motherfucker.

I laughed out loud when I heard the news today about former Wasilla representative Vic Kohring. The Anchorage Daily News has the full story here.

I won't go into the all details as you can read them for yourself but I just wanted to point out that throughout the trial Mr. Kohring's lawyer never said that his client was innocent, just that he was a little fish in all the corruption goings-on. It's not like he took a lot of money so why the hell would anyone convict him? He only broke the law a little bit. He just took small bribes. He's just a degenerate, fucking scum-sucker who was too stupid to ask for more money, so take it easy on him. Shit, with arguments like that maybe I should get into the law business.

The best part is that after the whole corruption scandal broke and it was found that Mr. Kohring was part of it all, albeit a little fish, I saw the motherfucker at the 4th of July parade in Wasilla and he was walking behind a trailer that had a sign on it that said, "Vic Kohring: Hardworking Conservative" and the asshole was passing out Crunch bars and shaking hands. Too bad, Vic, I guess I can't be swayed by shitty chocolate to look the other way while you shit on the public trust. Fuck him, I didn't vote for the son of a bitch anyway. Fucking cocksucker.