From the Archives

Here are a bunch of pictures that I saved for some reason. Some of them I intended to make a post on at some future time, and others I just thought funny, and others still I used for school. Anyway, I thought it was a neat experiment to see the collection of detritus my internet skein had gathered from the webs.

If you don't know who these two guys are, you don't know comedic genius.

Also, Early Cuyler, a two foot tall, illiterate squid from the North Georgia mountains. If you want to freak people out, work Early into a Power-point presentation you are giving. The audience will be stupefied.

Always helpful to know where those active boundaries are.

I don't remember why I saved this, other than I, like all other white male nerds, have an irrational appreciation of MST3K.

Mr. M-E-F. Also, a good candidate for shocking/confusing the audience of a Power-point about male body image perceptions.

Magnolia blossom.

Some handy trigonometric derivatives

The Hammer

Click on both of these and pay attention to the arrows. I think transsexual pornography could be the answer that statesmen need to heal the wounds in the Middle East.

The Rape, by Magritte. I saved this for an art presentation.

I just rebought Starcraft this weekend. This was one of the first computer games I bought almost 10 years ago, and it still has great re-play value. It really makes you think about a combined arms approach to combat, instead of just "build a bunch of cheap units and melee the shit out of your enemy" approach.

This is an image I made in Paint for use in a computer programming class I took.

I laugh my ass off every time I see this.

Apathy by an artist who's name I didn't save. It's pretty good.

Clearly, sexism is a thing of the past, so we don't need to discuss it.

A nice shout out to the Dune universe

This was an ad from somewhere and I thought it was so great, especially the line, "Whenever or wherever." because you can really get away with fucking a fleshlight on the bus.

American Apparel can go get fucked.

These are just a few of the images I have, but I like how disturbing some of them are, or can be depending upon the context of the situation. The sitemeter data was especially revealing because those aren't the only two hits looking for tranny sex. I get hits from all over looking for a defunct video link I posted a long time ago that was a parody of tranny prison sex. I'm serious. You think people are just depraved in the U.S. but the truth is, people the world over have some strange sexual proclivities/curiosities. Seriously, when you think about it, it is almost a surety that somewhere on the globe, right now, some guy is blowing his load in a farm animal, or some woman is having hot wax dribbled on her genitalia, while some guy in a mask slaps her in the face and she's loving every minute of it.

Also, it was kind of weird to see what I had that didn't make the cut. For example, I have a collection of images mocking Sarah Palin and a bunch of underwater nude photos of women.

The Old Old Story

I come from the deep red.

Full disclosure: I'm drinking gin and tonic and watching The Apostle.

I was also thinking about this post that my brother did over at First Draft and all the comments there. I think that Jude nails it with his analysis of evangelicals and their shtick, but the comments on how evangelicals are evil and how they want the destruction of America or some shit is just as bad as labeling all Muslims as evil and how they want to destroy America with their terrorism or jihad or what-the-fuck-ever.

I grew up with this shit. I stood in the Church and sang the hymns. I went down to the altar and professed my sins. I was baptized. I (at one time) believed, and yet, I found that the dogma of the church was lacking, but these people haven't come to the same conclusion. This is their life. They worship, they believe, they love this country, they want the Kingdom of God.They aren't evil, they think that Jesus is coming and we will soon be lifted above and called to glory, and that if America doesn't toe the evangelical line, we will be like Sodom and Gomorrah and destroyed by fire and brimstone from above. They aren't evil, they're deluded.

Thich Nhat Hanh teaches that we should not be attached to anything and that God is here with us, in this moment. We just have to pay attention to It. These people have just lost sight of this simple fact.

The Psalms say, "Be still and know that I am God."

Sun at Declination 0 Degrees

Taken at sunset on the equinox.

I've been busy as fuck. It's the sixth week into the semester already and the only reason I'm posting now instead of fucking around with schoolwork or in the math lab is that I'm stuck at home with the children who are trying to fill up the apt. with H1N1 in order to give it to me. I'll show those fuckers though. Also, I've had kind of a creative drain trying to write some grant to get money to see if hamsters will do this thing that I think they might and also I've had to read and write a bunch of stuff about the history of psychology, which, isn't boring but just takes a lot and after I'm done with that shit, I just want to play Nintendo and go to bed. As for the other shit, well, you know how the world has been going.

I will tell you this, though. I don't know how people stay fucking outraged at the state of political discourse and legislative action throughout the year. Yeah, I was pissed about the stupid Senate Finance Committee and the public option and if I ever see Max Baucus, I'll probably punch that fucker in the balls, because he obviously doesn't use them, but the motherfuckers on the interbutts are just at a whole 'notha level. You know all the ones, from both sides of the aisle too. Apparently they've never read the literature on habituation, because my give a fuck ability follows a strict habituation curve, and I like to think that I'm one of the more informed/concerned members of the electorate, especially compared to these retards talking about their grams having to get her brains blown out because Obama's team of bureaucrats command it. Fuck it. It's gone. So what. I've got other shit to occupy my time.

Anyway, to end on a foul note, go read this link. Don't forget to read those fucking comments! Truly the best that Alaska and the internet have to offer. Maybe someone out there can tell me why it is that the dumbest of the dumb get rewarded.

Also, This

A Stupid Twat.

Go read this goddamn article. I couldn't get past the first line so I don't really know what it says, but my guess is that it's subtly ribbing on the goddamn teabag fucktards, like this dumb whore pictured above.

The best part about this dumbass is that she is a stay at home mother. Don't get me wrong, I've stayed at home and taken care of children so I know how much of a thankless, labor intensive job that rearing children is, but I was never under any illusions that I actually paid taxes or that any of the money that Felicia "earned" was "my" money.

Fuck Man

Pretty much my entire night right here.

You know, I've always hated the Lynyrd Skynyrd song "Simple Man". I fucking hate it. Stop being simple. Start being complex. Simple is fucking stupid and boring. Fuck it. It annoys me. We shouldn't aspire to be simple people or be a person of simple values, beliefs, or views. We have the most advanced brain on the planet, let's celebrate the complexity of us, instead of trying to be simple. Fuck, Lord, I hate people.

Not these ones, though.

Sector King Zulu King

See what I mean? I'm a goddamn screaming endorsement for all things effete, liberal, and white: flat front khakis, button down shirts, and non-Budweiser beer.

Gavin took this of us making burrito fixings.

Two more pictures via Gavin.

It's pretty cool that Gavin knows how to take pictures with the camera we have. Tonight as we were making dinner, we kept him occupied by sending him around the apartment to take pictures of whatever he desired. Not only did it keep him out of our hair but it was pretty cool to see how he, literally, views the world.

Also it gives me perspective into parenting, like maybe I should cut him some slack sometimes. I like to imagine that if I was in a world where giants twice my size spoke a language I only halfway understood expected me to perform insanely long tasks that were crazily complex and beyond my manipulation with little or no supervision, then getting pissed that I didn't execute the tasks to specification, and those giants were drunk half the time. Talk about a bad fucking trip.

I need to be easier on my kids but if I go too easy those fuckers will walk all over you. I watched a snail sliding, slithering along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare.

What the Fuck is This Nonsense

Suck a dick, Mr. Warhol.

I had to replant a piece of one of my creepers today. I chose the soup can out of necessity, as I had thrown out the pickle container earlier. Anyway, I started this post with the intention of telling Art to go fuck itself, and that I am clueless about it, but now I was thinking about how awesome plants are with their photosynthesis and lack of central nervous system, but I won't bore you with the nerd shit.

I saw a homeless guy on the way to the gym tonight and I thought, "There is a person just like me. He is cold, living on the street, alone, begging, and probably feeling like shit." I didn't even rationalize it I just said, "Fuck him." Oh well.

So, go fuck yourself Art and homeless people!

Delayed Drinkification

I should have put this in the last post.

True to form, my goddamn kids can't let me have shit. Tonight, as posted previously, I planned on getting home from work and drinking a huge whiskey-soda, you know, to calm the nerves and all that. Well, Kiernan decides he needs to go to the goddamn doctor's office because he's all sickly and coughing and hoarse. So that was my after work celebration, a fucking doctor visit. It reminds me of the time my old man yelled at us, "I can't even take a shit in peace!"

Don't worry though, I'm totally going to fuck up their adolescences with my crude sexual references and social ineptitude and then their adult lives with my old age and dementia. Take that, you damn kids.

More Sweetness

If there is something better than listening to metal, while drinking gin, and making stew on Saturday night, then I haven't found it.

I would argue that getting blown in addition to all of the above would be better, but, come on, this isn't heaven.

Bullshit

Thanks a lot, you fucking assholes.

I'm sure that I, like many of you, thought that the economic crisis was not really real until it directly impacted your life. I really couldn't care less what the DJIA does, or about the unemployment rate, or any of those economic markers that say that our financial system is fucked up. I just don't care. I have other shit to think about and chores to do and that kind of day to day shit.

But now, now these motherfuckers have fucked with something that I think is important so, being a blogger, I hurried to the internet to voice my disapproval of concepts and situations I barely understand. The ADN has this story that says the glass recycling program here in Anchorage is suspended starting in January due to the economy sucking ass and the high cost of recycling glass coupled with lower demand for recyclables. How does this impact my life you ask?

Let's have a little backstory first: I tend to drink a lot of beer, wine, and liquor, all of which come in glass bottles. I also am your typical bleeding-heart conservationist who actually cares about all the shit that we dump into the biosphere and all those animals, myself and children included, who then have to live in a totally fucked up, birth defect producing environment. Also, being human, I do the relatively easy thing and recycle. You might still be asking, why does the bother me?

Look, it goes like this: I like beer in the bottle. If the recycling place won't take glass, I have huge guilt at throwing away all that glass. Something has got to give so instead of buying beer in glass I have to choose the alternative: cans. I have to go back to drinking beer in the can. Do you know what kind of beer selection they have for cans? Not much, and certainly not the quality of beer that I have become accustomed to drinking.

So there you have it. Thanks AIG, Fannie and Freddie Mac, Bear Stearns, and the big Three, you have forced me to drink beer out of cans. You bunch of motherfuckers, you. Also, this gives me a chance to post one of my favorite Pundit Kitchen pictures of all time, posted below.

See you in beer can hell, Mr. Greenspan.