If I Should Lose You

First day of kindergarten

Kiernan, the belle of the ball at his 3rd birthday

An aquatic take on pigs in a blanket

I thought this was nice.

All these were taken at the Matanuska River Park and I thought they were pretty awesome.

I haven't been talking about a lot of shit lately because it's too goddamn stupid and pointless. Take the senate primary here in Alaska. See, wasn't that just the most awful story ever? Also, there has been the State Fair which is a big excuse to binge eat/drink and spend too much money. Gyros? You bet your sweet ass I had some goddamn gyros, salmon quesadillas too. And then Gavin goes to school and that's pretty fucked up because he's already in real school. I mean, I kept another human being alive long enough to shift responsibility for raising him onto the state. Fuck yeah, Dad of the year, right here, century more like it. Also, there are many, many hot moms who take their kids to school each day. Jesus, they're like, so hot it's fucking stupid. Fuck man.

Learn to work the saxophone.

Can I Get A Window Seat?

trollface.jpg

I'm seriously married to the best wife in the world. She can't cook for shit, but she lets me be who I am.

Happy Birthday, Babe.

Hate You

Battle for my amusement, slave!

The only reason to have children is so that you can outfit them in things and make them do things that you want. I love these children but understand that they are slowly killing me.

Beyond the Rubicon

Literary genius right here.

It was Father's Day today. If you don't know, it's fucking hard to have kids, if you do it right. Sure, you could be one of those permissive shithead parents who let their kids do what the fuck ever and then you have to pay for all those goddamn Adderall scripts and make excuses for why your kid is a fucktard, but real motherfuckers know that you have to be a total hardass all the time for you kids to turn out right.

I've been working outside on the yard lately and have been totally exhausted after I'm done. I can't imagine how my old man worked 10 or 12 plus hour days at some goddamn hard physical labor and still came home and was a father and how he did this for his entire life. He knew what the fuck it took to raise kids correctly and he knew he had to work his ass off to make sure those goddamn kids got fed and he still did it.

Motherfucker was hard. I have to give big respect to the old bastard because he raised his family in terrible conditions, work and otherwise, and did what he had to do. Shit, I wish he was still around to help me with this shit.

Miss you, Pop.

If There's Something I Need

The inside of an operant chamber

I've been busy as all fuck with the graduation, and parties, and finishing research presentations, and all that other shit. Now, I'm going on a road trip to the Lower 48. It might be cool to do some blogging of that but I don't know how good the wifi is going to be, so we'll see about it.

Kid Charlemagne

Watch this shit. It's pretty cool.

Last night, I was feeling totally lethargic so I had some beer on the sofa and I was watching some UFC reruns on Spike TV. Gavin and Kiernan were fascinated by watching two guys in a chain link cage beat the shit out of each other. Also, it totally didn't help that I was yelling my encouragement at the screen.

This morning as we are just fucking around in the apartment, the kids were playing this weird game where they were kicking each other in the legs and then laughing hysterically. So, naturally, I decided to set up a little match for them and video tape the results. Gavin is a natural, as you can see, and he's got some good instincts and loves wrestling. I mean check out his mean takedown in the second video. Kiernan, however is probably not mixed martial arts material because after Gavin's wicked slam, he spent the next ten minutes on the couch next to Felicia.

I "spent" $175 on books today, and Steely Dan is really fitting the groove I'm in right now.

Desecrate You

Two wine-swilling hippies at a fund raiser for the recycling center.

Hanging out at grandma's house.

Sledding.

Why the fuck would an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent being do that?

Feety Jams rule.

Some fake mustaches.

Stockings.

Making some Christmas paper rings.

Hmm.

Making some ornaments.

Ornamented.

So here are some photos of the preparation for fucking around after the semester is over. I'll probably start up the whole blog a day thing because I'll be so bored and shit, so expect some of that for your holiday goodness. So, I've got shit to do so I'll leave this until later, so check out this new comic I've been digging on. It rules. I'll probably do some updating of links or some dumb shit also. Fuck it, I'm out.

Sector King Zulu King

See what I mean? I'm a goddamn screaming endorsement for all things effete, liberal, and white: flat front khakis, button down shirts, and non-Budweiser beer.

Gavin took this of us making burrito fixings.

Two more pictures via Gavin.

It's pretty cool that Gavin knows how to take pictures with the camera we have. Tonight as we were making dinner, we kept him occupied by sending him around the apartment to take pictures of whatever he desired. Not only did it keep him out of our hair but it was pretty cool to see how he, literally, views the world.

Also it gives me perspective into parenting, like maybe I should cut him some slack sometimes. I like to imagine that if I was in a world where giants twice my size spoke a language I only halfway understood expected me to perform insanely long tasks that were crazily complex and beyond my manipulation with little or no supervision, then getting pissed that I didn't execute the tasks to specification, and those giants were drunk half the time. Talk about a bad fucking trip.

I need to be easier on my kids but if I go too easy those fuckers will walk all over you. I watched a snail sliding, slithering along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare.

Delayed Drinkification

I should have put this in the last post.

True to form, my goddamn kids can't let me have shit. Tonight, as posted previously, I planned on getting home from work and drinking a huge whiskey-soda, you know, to calm the nerves and all that. Well, Kiernan decides he needs to go to the goddamn doctor's office because he's all sickly and coughing and hoarse. So that was my after work celebration, a fucking doctor visit. It reminds me of the time my old man yelled at us, "I can't even take a shit in peace!"

Don't worry though, I'm totally going to fuck up their adolescences with my crude sexual references and social ineptitude and then their adult lives with my old age and dementia. Take that, you damn kids.

Finally

Epic Win.

So, I decided I wanted to splurge and buy a Wii after playing one at Hailee's house (Hailee is one of Felicia's friends. I don't have any.). But, I live in a frozen shithole and everyone was sold out. I was checking constantly with every retailer I could think of. I needed this device more than sex, or booze, even. It was brutal. Finally, I go to the store to pick up our WIC supplies and on a whim check the electronicals section.

Fucking Jackpot.

I ask the guy, "Hey, is that it? Is that everything?"

Guy, "Yeah."

Me, "Get me one."

So yeah, I ended up getting government supplied juice and milk and dropped 250 bones on a gaming system on my credit card in the same visit. I'm totally not worried about it, though. Barack Obama is going to pay all my bills for me as soon as he is inaugurated, you know, socialism and all.

Sweet.