Where I Stay

Not here.

Here. Not actually in the garage but above it.

Here is the view from the top of the steps.

See how cool my landscaping skills are. You can tell the class by the Tiki torches.

Some views of the woods behind our loft.

Some times I like to go to the lake and sing songs to the lake about the lake.

It's just a few bad apples.

Pioneer Peak

Newt Gingrich, Cum Dumpster

Dumpster of Cum.

Not only is he named after an amphibian, he is also a receptacle for semen. This article in USA Today reports that former Congressman Gingrich believes the 2008 Democratic Presidential ticket will include Hillary Clinton for Pres and Barack Obama for Vice Pres. Nice one, Newt, it's only what anyone with half a firing neuron was thinking since this whole race started, you fucking choad. Let's posit on how two popular candidates might team up to win the Presidency. Wow! Who couldn't see this one coming?!?

It gets better when he says that the Republican Party has three "formidable" opponents to such an unholy Hillary-Barack union. He gives Mitt Romney, Rudy Guiliani, and Fred Thompson. First off, Romney doesn't stand a chance because of his stance, or lack of a sufficiently right wing one, on abortion and gun control. Let's nevermind the fact that he's a Mormon and all of conservative America, aside the Mormons, know that all Mormons take their instructions from telepathic messages from Joseph Smith, the same way Kennedy obeyed the Pope. Second, Fred Thompson, while a U. S. Senator, gets more recognition than most because he played the District Attorney on Law and Order. Once again, nevermind the reality that he hasn't even declared his bid for the Presidency yet. Finally, we come to Rudy. Hugely popular after the September 11th attacks, he is the only serious candidate for the Republican nomination because he is the only one left standing after you weed out the undesirables. Let's just hope that his less than glamorous past preclude him from a serious run, a history I could link for you but am far too lazy/ drunk to do so. Formidable indeed.

The worst part of the article comes at the end when John Edwards, former North Carolina Senator and totally likable guy, has a nod about his fight with insurers and pharmaceutical companies. Here is a man who realizes what is wrong with the country and is confronting the issues that really matter i.e. healthcare, and is basically treated as a no-chance-of-winning oddball. All of this because he actually wants to do positive things like help out the poor, one of whom I happen to be, and provide health coverage for low wage earners at the expense of people who make more than $200,000 a year. An income which, by the way is ten times what I as the breadwinner of a family of three made last year, was given a tax break by G. W.

The sad thing in this country is that men like John Edwards and Ralph Nader, who address issues that are central to most of the 300 million people in America, will never be elected to office.

Who Sucks

This site is completely awesome. I just found it today while tooling around on the adult swim website. A brief summary, if you couldn't tell by the name, is that it is a blog with various posts about people who suck and why they suck. As stated before this is completely awesome. I can't stress that enough. A few of my favorite posts are "11 Reasons Why Paris Hilton Sucks (Literally)", as if you needed someone to outline this for you, "L. Ron Hubbard Sucks", a collection of quotes from the erstwhile cult leader, and "Bushisms Suck", because who doesn't like to see the decider bumble-fuck through speeches and press conferences.

Just because I like pictures and I like Aqua Teens here you go:

Forgotten Title 1

This guy has more scruples than the Republican legislators in Alaska.

Let me just give you a run down of all the shit that has been happening. The full story is here.

Don Young, one of the pork hungriest representatives ever, is now under investigation in the widening FBI probe of Alaska lawmakers. For those of you who are not up to speed on this let me give the briefest of summaries. The CEO of an Anchorage-based energy company, a Mr. Allen, has already plead guilty to bribing Alaska state lawmakers for their vote on a key piece of legislation. Mr. Allen is now cooperating with investigators and the shit has really begun to hit the fan. Mr. Young is under investigation because of his ties to Mr. Allen and a yearly "Pig Roast" campaign fund-raiser held for Mr. Young for a decade. Now this maybe on the level but Mr. Young has seen fit to spend a quarter million this year alone to retain the legal council of a D.C. law-firm. Maybe he knows something we don't. My all-time favorite statement from Mr. Young was his prediction, given a week before the last Congressional elections, that the Republican Party would lose no seats in either house. Well, we see how that turned out.

Vic Kohring, state representative from my area, has resigned from office due to his involvement in the bribery probe. Mr. Kohring maintains his innocence even though Mr. Allen, the aforementioned CEO, has already plead guilty to bribing Mr. Kohring. Funny, I thought you couldn't be convicted for crimes that you confess to but for which there is no evidential proof. Favorite statement from Mr. Kohring: that he is "Alaskan to the core" while his wife and child live in Oregon. Check out this guy's blogspot. Notice how there are no posts since the recent unpleasantness.

Senator Ted Stevens, one of the most powerful in Washington, is also under investigation since his 2000 remodel of his resort home. Apparently, the contractor responsible for the work was directed to send his bills to Veco Corp. The contractor said that the office at Veco would examine them for accuracy before forwarding them to Mr. Stevens. It's awfully nice when a huge company offers to be your personal secretary out of the goodness of their heart. Mr. Stevens was to have said that all the upgrades done to his house were paid for by him and his wife. Maybe, but then why is he urging Alaskans not to believe everything they read in the paper, at least not until they hear it from him first.

Senator Lisa Murkowski, appointee and daughter of now semi-disgraced former Governor Frank Murkowski, is not under investigation but is fending off criticism that a land deal she made was a little too shady. Murkowski apparently paid about $100000 less than market value for a parcel of land.

So, there you have it. Maybe they won't be forced to resign or go to jail, except for Kohring it's my personal opinion that that asshole is going down, and then I can really feel good that maybe there is some justice in the world. Then again I feel pretty good that they all sold their souls to get to where they are today so, at least, Karma will catch up with them in the end.

June 22

That's right, it's Pi Approximation Day. Aside from that I have been busying myself with The Onion's A.V. Club, which is a great site for anyone who has utter contempt for pop-culture. The interviews and entertainment reviews are pretty good but my favorites are The A.V. Club blog, The Hater and The Tolerability Index. Spoiler Alert: If you like reality T.V. or are a fan of the new Transformers movie or Avril Lavigne, the wonderful writers at The A.V. Club will hate on these things with extreme prejudice. I love it because not only do the critics review the movies, songs and shows but there is a comment section in which users can hate on the drivel that is constantly being produced by Hollywood. I feel great when I read things like that because I don't feel so alone in my hatred. One of my absolute favorites is when a user who used to work at Blockbuster relates one of his favorite overheard customer comments, "IT must be good, look how many copies they got." Classic.

Creationist Bullshit

Finally, there is some evidence that a religious nut is a religious nut is a religious nut, if I may borrow a construction from Gertrude Stein.

A Turkish author Mr. Adnan Oktar, writing under the pseudonym Harun Yahya, has cooked up some pseudo-science with an Ottoman flavor. Mr. Oktar has also done academics around the world a favor and sent them a copy of his work. In it Mr. Oktar argues against Darwin's theory of evolution and decries it as a "theory in crisis" for the simple reason that the Koran doesn't independently verify Darwin's findings.

The crux of Mr. Oktar's argument is that, by his observation, the fossil record of the past resembles so closely the animals and plants living today that evolution doesn't hold up to observed phenomena. Apparently, Mr. Oktar never reached the part in the fossil record that contained these guys.

The best part of the article is a toss-up between the NY Times reporter's deadpan, "In fact, there is no credible scientific challenge to the theory of evolution as an explanation for the complexity and diversity of life on earth." and the evolutionary biologist's comment that the book is, "a load of crap."

So, if we take what we learn from the article make a few assumptions and apply some syllogism we get:

If Christian dogma = Creationism and Islamic dogma = Creationism then
Christian dogma = Islamic dogma

Ha Ha! Try this out on your fundamentalist friends, but only if you have lots of patience and nothing better to do. It has to be almost as good as trying to convince a Muslim, a Christian and a Jew that they essentially all worship the same god.

Wooden Ships on the Horizon

They've come to kill us and take our women and our precious metals!

When they weren't swilling mead, terrorizing Christians, settling North America and inventing a brutal mythology the Vikings spent lots of time in these. Now, some tools have decided it would be a good idea to try and recreate a voyage in a replica of a Viking Long Ship. A crew of 65 men and women are attempting to cross the North Sea in a 30 meter open-decked ship just like Norsemen of old. The account of the crossing should be pretty good reporting, seeing as how already some crew members had to be taken off because they were showing signs of hypothermia. Let's see if and when they reach land they don't head to the nearest monastery, rob the coffers and murder the priests. Catholics, beware!

Fucking Cell Phones

Today was the second time I went to the movies in the past year. It's packed and we're all watching and it's going okay until the climax of the movie and you guessed it. Motherfucker and his goddamn cell. It's not just a regular ring either it's a fucking annoying ring tone. On top of that the shithead lets the phone ring and can't even be bothered to silence the motherfucker.

Let's get this straight. We're watching a matinee showing of Harry fucking Potter in Eagle River, Alaska. I'm pretty sure there were no Fortune 500 CEOs in the audience who desperately needed to be reached by their CFOs because the IRS was coming in and they needed to know what has to be shredded. Not to mention that even God isn't so busy that he can't turn his goddamn iPhone off for 2 fucking hours for a fucking matinee.

These fuckheads are the same kind of people who can't leave their laptop at home when they go on vacation and then end up with heart disease by 50 because they can't disconnect for even a little bit. You know what I say? I say fuck them because it's evolution at work.

Turn it off, Ratfucker.

Awe-Inspiring

As if just knowing where you live in your own galaxy isn't enough, scientists have found more.

You are here.

Scientists from CalTech have discovered the oldest galaxies ever. Using the Keck 2 telescope in Hawaii and with a little assist from gravitational lensing astronomers have found galaxies that predate the oldest observed galaxies by several hundred million years. They estimate the galaxies' age at just 500 million years past the Big Bang and compare the galaxies' masses at approximately 10 million solar masses compared to the 10 billion solar masses our own galaxy contains.

As a layperson, with no job or pressing responsibilities, I like to spend time thinking about these kind of things. The sheer magnitude of the numbers represented in the story are fun to think about, if you have most of the day to do it. I like to put it in perspective with respect to my own life. For example, Fairbanks is approximately 250 miles from where I live. I compare that to the distance of the Earth to the Sun, 93 million miles. Then I think about how that doesn't even compare to distances like the space to the next star. Extrapolate all that to galactic and inter-galactic spaces. It gets to be a little much and I didn't even get into the time and masses involved, just the distances. However, it is a fun way to spend the afternoon.

Something Terrible

Specialist Michelle Ring, 26, formerly of Chugiak AK, was killed by indirect fire on July 5 while taking a break from a patrol in Baghdad. She leaves behind two sons, Marc and Brandon, ages 7 and 5, respectively.

This is the kind of shit that makes me, a misanthropic, hate-mongering bastard, weep. Just remember that a son of a bitch who ran on a "Compassionate Conservative" agenda in 2000 and whose favorite political philosopher is Jesus is the cause of this woman's death and these two kids' lifelong misery.

Well, I'm sure she knew what she was getting into, what with joining the Army in a time of war and all that. It was her choice after all and I'm sure she had other options. Yeah, she sure did. Do you want to know why she did? To get a better life for her kids because miraculously the job at the chicken evisceration factory for a GED holder just wasn't bringing home the jack. Shit like this is too tragic to make up. Read all about it here.

Sometimes, I wonder what the historical Jesus would do if he were miraculously transported to the future to see how things turned out. My personal guess is a toss-up between committing suicide immediately or becoming severely dependent on something illicit.

The Truth

I know that I linked The Economist magazine to my blog but, truth be told, I had never actually visited the website. It usually sufficed for me to pick up and peruse the magazine whenever we went to the bookstore, which is pretty often. Well, I remedied that and while I was at the site I found this. This article is a great piece of work. It dispels all the stupid shit you hear about recycling from, "it is actually more damaging to the environment than using a landfill" to "it is economically unfeasible to require companies to recycle" both of which are bullshit lies propagated by pro-business conservatives.

I, for one, am tired of hearing Business in America scream about how, "You can't require us produce a product that is environmentally less destructive. It would destroy our profits and make us less competitive." Bullshit again, I say. It seems funny to me that countries who have much more stringent environmental regulations than the U.S. still manage to be one of the world's best economies.

The real truth is that you should recycle, there is only one planet and that in order to survive you must protect that planet. So, get out there and recycle!

Katie Couric, Twat

That's right. Katie Couric has verified her twat status with this story in USA Today. Apparently, she didn't know that the CBS evening news would be broadcast in a "traditional" format. She also regrets taking the job and admits that she would have given "more thought" to taking the job had she known the show would attempt to provide "hard news" to it's viewers.

Imagine that. A news service that doesn't want to be perceived as a giant flaccid penis and that wants stories with depth in a move to give people some kind of perspective of the world in which they live while at the same time adhering to a journalistic ethic. That's just fucking crazy, Katie. I guess all those hard-hitting years at the Today Show didn't prepare her as much as she thought they had.

Twat.

Finished

I'm finished posting links for now. As you can see I have loosely organized them by category. Very loosely. Check out the My Space link for all your stalking of me needs. From there make sure you stop at my brother's blog at Punch and Jude. We'll probably be hitting a lot of the same ideas and generally enraging things that pop up in the media. It's funny to think that I couldn't stand him when we were growing up but now I find his views on things pretty close to my own. Don't forget to catch the post with his unaltered photo of Don "Cockmaster" Rumsfeld being compromised by a fireman. Check the archives because I am too lazy to find it for you.

Things I Like

Beer

Bourbon

Gin

Whisky

Riesling

As I stated in my profile, I like strong drink. Above are just a few of the substances I abuse to help me cope with my life. That last part is kind of a joke but as with all jokes there's a little bit of truth in there. It's my personal theory that intelligent people everywhere must drink in order to put up with the rest of the shit-heads who over-populate the earth. Can you imagine how hellish it would be living in a Red State without something to calm your nerves? Imagine living in the South with no prospects of getting ripped. Hellish indeed.

I am Saying this because I can

Fuck the President. Fuck him for saying things like this. The last time I checked the function of the Congress was to place some kind of "check" on the President's power. It's funny how they do that by not passing legislation that they don't agree with just because the President wants them to pass it. Funny again how they "balance" out the executive branch. It's almost as if someone wrote a document that allows the Congress to do just what it is doing. Furthermore, I'm pretty sure the guys who wrote said document knew what the fuck they were doing. In fact, I'm fairly certain that they knew more than some ass-hat C student. Again, fuck the President.

Already Another One

Well, I've got a pregnant woman to entertain so I must be off. I am not through editing the links or the other features here so be patient, goddamn you.

The First of Many, I'm Sure

This is just a start-up post. I'm getting things set up for the absolute rancor that is to follow. So for the time being just amuse yourself with the links here.