God as a Bro as a Champ

I like to imagine the Almighty as a solid bro, prankster, all around good ole boy. It just seems to make more sense when you look at the cosmos.

Anyway, I've started re-reading the Bible and will probably do more of these type comics, with God laughing at us in our hopeless endeavor. I imagine he got a heavens shaking laugh out of this most recent apocalyptic prophesy. So, here's the panels. Enjoy. 

Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer Is Cheap and Works the Same as Any Other

I changed the layout a little and hope you all like it. I thought it was easier to read and all that. Prolly change it soon. Here's a comic! The arc starts here and continues through the blogzorz.

Also, have I said that my wife is dope? She is. Totally.

Osama bin Laden and the Humanization of The Other

Here are some images of Osama bin Laden with funny captions added. I like to think about him in a real way, not with a Boogieman aura, but as a live human being. Kind of like the way Kurtz in Apocalypse Now reflects on the humanity of the soldiers who hacked off the inoculated arms of the village children. I mean, he did all the things we do: shit, pissed, fucked, jizzed, coughed, sneezed, laughed at some unexpected irony, loved his wives, likely saw beauty in a certain sun cresting a mountain range, savored the defeat of his enemies, and experienced the terror of his own mortality late nights when he couldn't sleep. 

He was real and I think we do a disservice to all of us when we demonize him as "evil" or some childish notion like that.

Ben and George Discuss a Galtian Exodus

I have been enjoying Curtis White's The Middle Mind lately. It reminds me how, in one of my undergrad courses, I wanted to do some research on stupidity, or how people could be so willfully ignorant, contradictory, and self-defeating. I tried to find some previous research that studied this phenomenon but there wasn't any, not even in politically correct constructs. I asked my professor and he too, couldn't find anything remotely similar. It was strange to me that this fundamental aspect of human nature had no empirical studies measuring it. So, I was forced to pick a different area to study for lack of previous literature on which to base my study of stupidity. I should probably go back to that, maybe. 

After all, it's not like the world lacks for fools.

High Art, Literature, AND Journalism Being Killed As I Post This

So here's the updatage. The story arc starts hereish. If you want, you can click those buttons over there to share with folks and I'll feel really good about myself for once. Or not. I ain't forcing you to do shit. 

Also, this one has crudely drawn boobs in it. SCORE! 

Also also, am I a little weirded out by the ability to post my location on this now? Yeah, pretty much, but it's not going to stop me doing it.

Mother's Day

Mom, circa Old School Shit.

The worst thing about having your parents die before you're old is that you can't draw from the well of terrible shit that they've had to go through. You can't ask them, "So, what'd you do when you were both outta work and past due on all your bills with three kids to take care of?". You know they got through the shit ('cause you're here to dwell on it), but you don't know how, like they're some mysterious hero that makes the legend and destroys the impossible enemy but doesn't tell you shit. Mysteries.

I don't know about you all, but it just adds to the influence anxiety I have about parenting. Maybe call that parent anxiety (but not in some stupid Hollywood sense that all men are scared of being dads and all women have to raise all children, everywhere, ever). I could never be the titan of morality and sterness that my mother was for me. I can't quote the appropriate Bible verse. I can't instill in my children the fear of the Lord. I can't be the pillar of righteousness that Mom was, guiding her errant children to the shores of well being. I am a complete and utter failure at life, not like her, who took the hard road, sacrificed, put shit on lay a way, washed clothes in the bathtub and hung them out to dry, scrubbed cloth diapers clean of my filth, ensured I was well fed and cleaned, and raised children in the insane cauldron of southern Mississippi.  

I am a stupid child, bereft of understanding, completely ignorant of how I should be, unknowing and yet cognizant of my stupidity.

Proverbs says, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

I love you mom. 

Jefferson's Dilemma

I have seen a lot of noise around the internet in the wake of bin Laden's killing. Apparently, people either are: hooting and hollering about justice and waving American flags and shooting shotguns into the air from the backs of pick up trucks on the way to the store for more Natural Ice, OR, holding forth about how a human being, no matter how shitty, is still human and we shouldn't celebrate their non-existence no matter what and how they are just going to stop by Whole Foods for a minute to stock up on vegan organic pesto.

I haven't seen anyone say that the only reason anyone in America is celebrating is that some apes that belonged to "our" group killed an ape that belonged to "another" group. This is a pretty crucial omission.

TJ and George Discuss A Thorny Social Issue

UBL Killed Like a Bitch in Pakistan

Here's the next installment of our post-singularity hero. I like updating on Sunday, but feel that I should do it more often, but I got other shit. A whole lotta other shit. I got mad comics, historical shit, short stories, scribbles, ideas, all sorts of crazy shit. I don't know why, but the tumor in my brain is forcing out all kinds of creative shit, like some kind of production anus, squeezing out mind turds for all the creepy, watching fecalphiliacs out there. Here it is. Un-washed and writhing nude on the floor of the universe, drunkenly swaying through parties that end in uncontrollable sobs, windows down screaming at pedestrians on the way to some coked out endeavor in a seedy club with many, many men. It's crazy the word salad shit that comes out of my fingers sometimes.

CRAZY. 


Also, Osama bin Laden was fucking killed and his body spirited away to locations unknown by a team of hard core, maniacal killers today.

Ben and George Have a Conversation About THE DEBT

 

I just had the conversation with Felicia that if it were possible to bring the founding fathers to the present day and show them the state of their creation, they would slap our collective shit right in the mouth, open palm and everything. She agreed.

Birth Certificate Shenanigans

I'm pretty sure President Washington would approve of my using of his likeness in order to poke fun at today's stupid, stupid political news.

I Believe It's Termed In-Group Out-Group Bias

I wonder when Rush Limbaugh and Pat Robertson are going to open their stupid mouths about the storms in the South.

Like I've said before, give me a media platform and a huge blank check and I can say stupid shit too. 

Also, I'd like to note that these two turds above are just fine, hell, lauded even, by their fan base for saying shitty things about "totally deserving foreigners/other races" but the same base is horrified when someone says/does synonymous things to "true American Heroes". 


Sometimes, make that a lot of the time, the media make me feel very solipsistic.

Here you go, a few screen caps of things that I thought were funny, or ironic, or just plain weird that you all might think of in the same way but I'm not going to explain why because I think it's pretty self evident and no one likes to listen to some asshole pedant drone on about how smart he is.

The above was especially laughter inducing, albeit in a maniacal fashion, like, "hahahaHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH", then I fell out of my chair.

 

SSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

BREAKING: DISCREPANCY FOUND IN OBAMA'S LONG FORM BIRTH CERTIFICATE

I think I finally found why it is that Tea Baggers everywhere are so pissed off and are calling for impeachment.

The President of the United States is Black.

I'm Ready To Cross That Fine Line

Today was Easter and I can't think of any better way to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus than drinking and eating too much. Goddamn, I ate a fuck load of prime rib and halibut. Those animals had to die so that I might enjoy the suffering of their flesh. Ain't a goddamn thing immoral about eating meat. The immoral thing is not embracing our carnivorous nature. Goddamn vegans thinking they're better'n us with their waifish limbs and low sperm counts.

To All Who See These Presents, Greeting

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

A Nice Big Glass to Make All My Pain Go

I don't know if I told all ya'll but I went to a luncheon with an author at this thing for my MFA and then I told them that I did some things and made a graphic novel. That is this and those people didn't shame the fuck out of me and tell me to get bent. Oh well.

Something Witty That No One Gets Because It's Not

I started the whole comic thing as a kind of throwaway three panel jokefest where I could rip on stupid things via the comfortably removed proxy of my two main characters, but the goddamn thing has crawled onto dry land and evolved into some kind of graphic novel. This week's episode is kind of the beginning of a story arc that I've been churning out and I think it's pretty good. I think it leaves a lot of room for different interpretations.

Why kid yourself? Ain't no one reading this except the HR people at the jobs I apply for who then go on to throw my resume in the trash. I imagine it goes something like this little one scene play I just got inspired to do.

Scene 1

(HR rep 1, HR rep 2 sit in their cubicles furiously googling people who apply for jobs at their companies.)

HR rep 1: Let's see who we have next. Huh, Benjamin Tok? Tah-chee? Whatcha make of this one?

HR rep 2: Lemme see.

(takka takka takka)

HR rep 2: Yeah, no, fuck that guy.

HR rep 1: Seriously? Why?

HR rep 2: Comics, dude. Comics. Check it.

HR rep 1: Oh shit.

(Paper crunching and rattling into the bottom of a metal waste paper basket.)

HR rep 2: So you wanna go get some lunch beers, or what?

HR rep 1: Sounds hella sweet.

Curtain.

Anyway, here it is. I hope those lunch beers were good, HR guys.

I've Been Thinkin' Of Drinkin' DRANO

So I had this screed about this tool Tea Bagger douche who introduced some shitty Wisconsin-esque legislation to fuck over government workers but I deleted it. Anyway, go look at the fuck's bio because he's just like the rest of the wanna be hard asses who want to strip collective bargaining rights from workers and all that fiscal conservative horseshit. Pay special attention to his careers because it's the funniest that he was one of those workers that he now wants to bone with the state's dick. And let me tell you, Alaska's dick is proportional to the size of the state, so, you know, you're getting a pretty big dicking with that one.

Fuck all that, here's some comics I made.




While being crudely drawn, I can say that later episodes are actually improving. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go apply for a night time janitor job, because, apparently, that's the only kind of employment I can secure. So much for that shiny diploma.